Dating Meat Eaters
I need some advice on dating meat eaters. I live in a meat and potato type of city, Im the only vegetarian I know, and my boyfriend is a meat eater. How do I go about integrating him into my life? Am I supposed to cook meat for him? How do you all go about haivng a partner who is not vegetarian and doesnt understand your way of life?
I went back and forth on that myself. I came down to my personal choice of not letting it in my own house (religious reasons), but currently am okay if they want to eat out. I won't touch the stuff, it almost makes me sick to see it or smell it. I've been vegetarian for about 13 years. But if you want to have friends or family..... the exception needs to be made.
So, my words of advice, really try to figure out what you can accept and tolerate for your own personal beliefs and comfort. If you can be happy cooking it, then he can also be happy with what HE feels is right for him. Trying to change him, isn't going to work. He might, out of love and respect, come to see the benefits over time, but you can't assume that will be the case.
I would prefer to not date anyone that eats meat at this point in my life. It's a moral and social stance that sets a core belief. Like someone saying I don't believe in god, and another that prays every morning. Two completely separate driving forces for morals, judgment etc. Both may be good people, but one thinks about an invisible force that sees all... that one just may feel guilt about lying. The other, there is no accounting for a little lie, so why not??
Suggestion.... You could cook veg only, if he wants meat he can cook it. That way you both still get what you are comfortable with. He may not want it bad enough to have to cook it for himself. I know women that are veg, that cook meat for their husbands. So it may not work out in the end, but you had some fun and compainship for awhile.
Excellent dialog. I agree, I would rather not be married to a meat eater, but I love him and I am. When dating, I like above, refused to cook meat or touch it. The hard part is eating out. I really would rather not see it at all, but, we live in this world... I, when asked about my beliefs, just really try and say EDUCATE yourselves. Ignorance is all over the place.. I do tell people that I am not against if you eat meat, cheese, etc, just KNOW where it comes from!
I've lived with an omnivore husband for three years as a vegan, and it still isn't easy. I do not cook, prepare, or buy non vegan foods or nonfood items with a few rare exceptions where I prepared him something like egg salad when he was very sick or so on. My husband has a major disability and I am the bread winner and cook. He buys his own animal products if he wants them. I am not thrilled about having that stuff in our house, but we share the bills and so on and it's his house too and I can not force him to not eat it. So we have our own cupboards for our foods, and separate areas in the refrigerator and freezer for our foods. Some cookware and dishes are off limits to animal foods and he respects that. He will not cook meat if I am around because he k nows it upsets me. He often eats my vegan meals and likes them for the most part. I have slowly gotten him to drink soy milk sometimes, and use vegan mayonnaise. I will sometimes make a soy free almond homemade mayo that he likes better than his store bought stuff. He is a hard core dairy addict and meat eater who used to hunt and work on a dairy farm, and his family are heavily influenced by the dairy industry since they were all dairy farmers. So it has not been an easy transition for him when I went vegan. He is more open minded than his family and we have found common ground with some ethical issues. But when it comes to farming we have profound differences in our beliefs about those animals. But he now knows that one can thrive as a vegan, and I showed him some vegan athletes who are ultimate fighters (he is really into UFC stuff) and that made him change his mind about how healthy vegan food can be lol. I do a lot of leafleting and tabling and other forms of activism and he has been less than totally supportive about it and that does sometimes piss me off, but even there he is coming around and he helped me leaflet once. We have been together for fifteen years and I have only been vegan for three and I woudln't walk away from a relationship because of that but we did have numerous fights in the beginning. It was hard for him to transition to my new way of life. It did and does affect him because I was no longer making his favorite meals and buying his stuff. It took him time to appreciate my vegan meals but now he loves them for the most part, though he is terrible at eating enough vegetables. I have to hide them in homemade creamy soups and smoothies to get him to eat them. His diet is terrible, the standard SAD. We are like night and day there and that does frustrate me because his health is so poor and he can't keep up with me lol.
If I found myself single again, I would not date another omnivore, pure and simple. I would not have animal products in my house, and would not have to compromise my values. We have a dog right now that we feed regular dog food that is not vegan. She is sensitive to changes in diet so we didn't want to switch her over, and my husband is adament that dogs need meat, though I disagree, and I have had to pay for her food so it has been one of those compromises for me. We disagree on profound ethical and spiritual beliefs which makes it hard for me to talk about some things with him. I realize I have changed a lot since becoming vegan but it's been a growing and learning experience and a positive change for me.
We try to find common ground and share some interests and at least he has been somewhat supportive and respectful of my needs and requests. In the beginning he made jokes about veganism and blamed every physical complaint I had on my diet but that finally stopped, especially after I threatened to leave him. It works the other way too. I have had to bite my tongue when he guzzles dairy while suffering with profound rheumatoid arthritis and immune defiicency problems. I did show him studies proving that eliminating dairy from your diet will improve the RA (couldn't help myself) but it felll on deaf ears. Now we are headed to the Mayo clinic this coming week because his doctors can no longer help him up here. Yeah.
I also stopped believing in God some time ago and he is VERY much a christian along with his family, which has made it hard.