You are here

too mean to do to an ex?

the site was a set of pictures of someones ex.
Is that too mean? too horrible, to put up?

for the sake of a reader I've summarised my current line of thinking here:

http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=30890.msg366062#msg366062

Ew!  You just posted that so you could unlock the pictures.  That's shitty.

0 likes

Yes.

0 likes

No. If I had an ex who fucked me over, I'd show the world his pics too. Hell, if someone sends me n00dz I show all my friends anyway

0 likes

::)

0 likes

pfft, it was more to win a competition with a friend (we raced, I won).

0 likes

No. If I had an ex who fucked me over, I'd show the world his pics too. Hell, if someone sends me n00dz I show all my friends anyway

That's an issue that I'm seriously thinking about. If you send someone material about yourself, is it wrong of them to show others?
I mean if you're putting your trust in someone surely if they abuse it you shoulder half the 'blame' if it all goes wrong?

0 likes

That's an issue that I'm seriously thinking about. If you send someone material about yourself, is it wrong of them to show others?
I mean if you're putting your trust in someone surely if they abuse it you shoulder half the 'blame' if it all goes wrong?

No. If I share something like that with a partner, I expect them to uphold my privacy and I do the same in the reverse situation. There is absolutely no excuse to show private pictures or emails around when you're with someone, and if you have any decency you'll delete anything you have of them when your relationship ends, however acrimonious it might be.

Edit: might I also add that in many countries, the USA and UK included, it's a criminal offence to publish pictures like that without the individual's consent. It's considered a form of harassment, which I think speaks for itself.

0 likes

That's an issue that I'm seriously thinking about. If you send someone material about yourself, is it wrong of them to show others?
I mean if you're putting your trust in someone surely if they abuse it you shoulder half the 'blame' if it all goes wrong?

No. If I share something like that with a partner, I expect them to uphold my privacy and I do the same in the reverse situation. There is absolutely no excuse to show private pictures or emails around when you're with someone, and if you have any decency you'll delete anything you have of them when your relationship ends, however acrimonious it might be.

Edit: might I also add that in many countries, the USA and UK included, it's a criminal offence to publish pictures like that without the individual's consent. It's considered a form of harassment, which I think speaks for itself.

Of course it doesn't speak for itself, if it did that would pre-suppose that the law is infallible. In which case it would never need amending.

If you're doing that with a partner you're surely leaving yourself vulnerable with them, knowing that they may show others. If you don't know a camera is there and a photo is taken that's different, you're not actively making and sharing a record. But if you're the one to make it and send it to people, surely that means you're giving them the power to do whatever with it.

For the record I've not done, nor do I think I would something like this with an ex.

0 likes

Of course it doesn't speak for itself, if it did that would pre-suppose that the law is infallible. In which case it would never need amending.

If you're doing that with a partner you're surely leaving yourself vulnerable with them, knowing that they may show others. If you don't know a camera is there and a photo is taken that's different, you're not actively making and sharing a record. But if you're the one to make it and send it to people, surely that means you're giving them the power to do whatever with it.

For the record I've not done, nor do I think I would something like this with an ex.

Your first sentence makes no sense. The law is in place to ensure that anyone who has their private material published in a public forum can demand that it be taken down and the perpetrator punished. Infallible has nothing to do with it: I meant that the fact that such a law exists speaks volumes about the attitude generally taken to this kind of activity.

Perhaps if you give a partner nude pictures you are leaving yourself vulnerable to them, but it does not in any way excuse making public private photos, nor does it mean that nobody should ever take racy pictures in the context of a relationship. Also, according to your statement then nobody should share personal information with a partner unless they want to shoulder half the blame if that information is later disseminated.

Look at it this way: being naked around your partner is generally not a cause for shame. You choose to be that way around them. Having them pull the bedroom curtains open so the whole street can see you would be embarassing. That's the difference and you might as well argue, "Well, if you get naked with someone then it's half your fault if they decide to expose you to the world". Not true. "Sharing" does not equal "giving someone free reign". If someone is mean-spirited enough to put pictures up on a site like that, the blame rests squarely on them and them alone. Same with letting slip anything else which their partner tells them in confidence.

0 likes

I don't think it's ever okay to do that.

It's like standing on a rooftop and yelling someone's deepest secret just because they hurt your feelings.

Just because a person once loved someone enough to share intimate details about themselves does not give the other person the right to share those details with everyone else.  It was a gift given out of intimacy and not some vile dirty thing to be used by a hurt and bitter person when life, as it often does, changes in unexpected ways.

We NEVER have the right to exploit others, regardless of what "justifications" we may use to try and drown our conscience.

0 likes

Of course it doesn't speak for itself, if it did that would pre-suppose that the law is infallible. In which case it would never need amending.

If you're doing that with a partner you're surely leaving yourself vulnerable with them, knowing that they may show others. If you don't know a camera is there and a photo is taken that's different, you're not actively making and sharing a record. But if you're the one to make it and send it to people, surely that means you're giving them the power to do whatever with it.

For the record I've not done, nor do I think I would something like this with an ex.

Your first sentence makes no sense. The law is in place to ensure that anyone who has their private material published in a public forum can demand that it be taken down and the perpetrator punished. Infallible has nothing to do with it: I meant that the fact that such a law exists speaks volumes about the attitude generally taken to this kind of activity.

Perhaps if you give a partner nude pictures you are leaving yourself vulnerable to them, but it does not in any way excuse making public private photos, nor does it mean that nobody should ever take racy pictures in the context of a relationship. Also, according to your statement then nobody should share personal information with a partner unless they want to shoulder half the blame if that information is later disseminated.

Look at it this way: being naked around your partner is generally not a cause for shame. You choose to be that way around them. Having them pull the bedroom curtains open so the whole street can see you would be embarassing. That's the difference and you might as well argue, "Well, if you get naked with someone then it's half your fault if they decide to expose you to the world". Not true. "Sharing" does not equal "giving someone free reign". If someone is mean-spirited enough to put pictures up on a site like that, the blame rests squarely on them and them alone. Same with letting slip anything else which their partner tells them in confidence.

My first sentence makes sense, it's just I read it in a slightly different context. When you said it speaks for itself to me it looked as if you mean "well the law must be right" as opposed to "the people that made this law and agree with it have this certain attitude".
There are a lot of people who say the law is right etc. Which seems short sighted. It's a relief that I was wrong about you thinking that :).

Moving on, if you put your trust in someone that will remain your responsibility, if they choose to spread around what you trusted them with that is their responsibility. As it stands it looks like the responsibility is split 50/50.

I'm not saying expect your partner to breach that trust, but if it does happen, it happens, and if you didn't want it to happen you shouldn't have opted in to give that person such intimate details of your life. People make mistakes, people trust people they later regret having trusted, but they actively did something.

My personal opinion is that if a did trust b and b really did post around sensitive information then b is  twat. But that doesn't make a exempt from being responsibility for putting herself on the line.
No-one is forcing anyone else to be in a relationship or trust others, it's all a personal choice. We're condemned to be free.

0 likes

I don't think it's ever okay to do that.

It's like standing on a rooftop and yelling someone's deepest secret just because they hurt your feelings.

Just because a person once loved someone enough to share intimate details about themselves does not give the other person the right to share those details with everyone else.  It was a gift given out of intimacy and not some vile dirty thing to be used by a hurt and bitter person when life, as it often does, changes in unexpected ways.

We NEVER have the right to exploit others, regardless of what "justifications" we may use to try and drown our conscience.

What do you mean by right?
Do you not agree with freedom of speech?

You're looking primarily at intentions and not actions, which doesn't generally effect rights.
Consciences change from person to person. Exploiting others seems fine to me as long as it's consensual and doesn't employ internalised or designated coercion.

On the topic of rights in such light, do I have the right to type on a computer?
To eat some chocolate at exactly 00:00 so on so forth.

0 likes

Moving on, if you put your trust in someone that will remain your responsibility, if they choose to spread around what you trusted them with that is their responsibility. As it stands it looks like the responsibility is split 50/50.

I'm not saying expect your partner to breach that trust, but if it does happen, it happens, and if you didn't want it to happen you shouldn't have opted in to give that person such intimate details of your life. People make mistakes, people trust people they later regret having trusted, but they actively did something.

My personal opinion is that if a did trust b and b really did post around sensitive information then b is  twat. But that doesn't make a exempt from being responsibility for putting herself on the line.
No-one is forcing anyone else to be in a relationship or trust others, it's all a personal choice. We're condemned to be free.

That's just way too close to the "asking for it" point of view for my liking. That's like saying that whenever someone is the victim of manipulation, emotional abuse, blackmail or worse in a relationship they are 50% responsible because by trusting their partner they've put themselves on the line. It is never acceptable to exploit someone. There is no "consensual" exploitation. It is by definition an unequal process whereby one person seeks to gain at the cost of another.

Your theory is akin to implying that if a man didn't want to get robbed, he shouldn't have left his house with his wallet in his pocket. Sure, the pickpocket stole the money, but the man chose to put it in his wallet, right?

It's like suggesting that if a woman suffers marital rape, she should be jointly accountable because hey, she married him!

By positing that our fictitious Ms. A is jointly responsible when Mr. B posts her intimate pictures online, you diminish the severity of Mr. B's actions. Think for a moment about how utterly violated you would feel if your ex-partner spread around pictures of that nature. It's a vicious thing to do, specifically designed to hurt the person involved, when, as Fufuberry so elegantly expressed, the pictures were almost certainly "a gift given out of intimacy".

Stop trying to extrapolate this situation into some kind of philosophical exploration.

0 likes

Moving on, if you put your trust in someone that will remain your responsibility, if they choose to spread around what you trusted them with that is their responsibility. As it stands it looks like the responsibility is split 50/50.

I'm not saying expect your partner to breach that trust, but if it does happen, it happens, and if you didn't want it to happen you shouldn't have opted in to give that person such intimate details of your life. People make mistakes, people trust people they later regret having trusted, but they actively did something.

My personal opinion is that if a did trust b and b really did post around sensitive information then b is  twat. But that doesn't make a exempt from being responsibility for putting herself on the line.
No-one is forcing anyone else to be in a relationship or trust others, it's all a personal choice. We're condemned to be free.

That's just way too close to the "asking for it" point of view for my liking. That's like saying that whenever someone is the victim of manipulation, emotional abuse, blackmail or worse in a relationship they are 50% responsible because by trusting their partner they've put themselves on the line. It is never acceptable to exploit someone. There is no "consensual" exploitation. It is by definition an unequal process whereby one person seeks to gain at the cost of another.

Your theory is akin to implying that if a man didn't want to get robbed, he shouldn't have left his house with his wallet in his pocket. Sure, the pickpocket stole the money, but the man chose to put it in his wallet, right?

It's like suggesting that if a woman suffers marital rape, she should be jointly accountable because hey, she married him!

By positing that our fictitious Ms. A is jointly responsible when Mr. B posts her intimate pictures online, you diminish the severity of Mr. B's actions. Think for a moment about how utterly violated you would feel if your ex-partner spread around pictures of that nature. It's a vicious thing to do, specifically designed to hurt the person involved, when, as Fufuberry so elegantly expressed, the pictures were almost certainly "a gift given out of intimacy".

Stop trying to extrapolate this situation into some kind of philosophical exploration.

By marrying someone that has nothing to do with rape.
I'm in no way saying that if you get raped it's partially your fault, that doesn't fit in with what I've said.
With the pick pocket scenario you have gone out putting your wallet at a greater risk.
I wouldn't call it asking for it.
I'm not saying the person who does something you don't like isn't responsible for what they've done.
If someone does post something nasty about me, you're right, that would upset me. However that doesn't detract from what I've said. Just because you don't like the consequences of something doesn't make it wrong.

"Stop trying to extrapolate this situation into some kind of philosophical exploration."-why?

0 likes

By marrying someone that has nothing to do with rape.
I'm in no way saying that if you get raped it's partially your fault, that doesn't fit in with what I've said.
With the pick pocket scenario you have gone out putting your wallet at a greater risk.
I wouldn't call it asking for it.
I'm not saying the person who does something you don't like isn't responsible for what they've done.
If someone does post something nasty about me, you're right, that would upset me. However that doesn't detract from what I've said. Just because you don't like the consequences of something doesn't make it wrong.

"Stop trying to extrapolate this situation into some kind of philosophical exploration."-why?

Actually, I'm just following your logic here. I don't see the difference between its application in the examples I gave and the one you gave.

Look, earlier in the thread you explicitly stated that "... I've not done, nor do I think I would something like this with an ex." This implies to me that you are morally uncomfortable with the situation at hand. That being the case, I don't understand why you're playing devil's advocate.

If I choose to share intimate details or material with a partner in a confidential setting, I expect that to be respected even after the relationship ends. If that trust were breached, I would not at any point blame myself for allowing the pictures to be taken. That for me is the end of the argument. Thanks for playing.

0 likes

By marrying someone that has nothing to do with rape.
I'm in no way saying that if you get raped it's partially your fault, that doesn't fit in with what I've said.
With the pick pocket scenario you have gone out putting your wallet at a greater risk.
I wouldn't call it asking for it.
I'm not saying the person who does something you don't like isn't responsible for what they've done.
If someone does post something nasty about me, you're right, that would upset me. However that doesn't detract from what I've said. Just because you don't like the consequences of something doesn't make it wrong.

"Stop trying to extrapolate this situation into some kind of philosophical exploration."-why?

Actually, I'm just following your logic here. I don't see the difference between its application in the examples I gave and the one you gave.

Look, earlier in the thread you explicitly stated that "... I've not done, nor do I think I would something like this with an ex." This implies to me that you are morally uncomfortable with the situation at hand. That being the case, I don't understand why you're playing devil's advocate.

If I choose to share intimate details or material with a partner in a confidential setting, I expect that to be respected even after the relationship ends. If that trust were breached, I would not at any point blame myself for allowing the pictures to be taken. That for me is the end of the argument. Thanks for playing.

My main reason is because I don't want to burn bridges with my ex like that.
I'm a little surprised if you can't see the difference in application. You don't take an active role in being raped as far as I can tell?

0 likes

My main reason is because I don't want to burn bridges with my ex like that.
I'm a little surprised if you can't see the difference in application. You don't take an active role in being raped as far as I can tell?

And you appear to be nitpicking for the sake of argument. I see the parallel at actively agreeing to marry someone whom you believe loves you and trusting that they will do you no harm, to find out down the road they will rape you within your married relationship. This very closely mirrors being close enough to someone to agree to take compromising pictures of each other, only to have that trust breached in the future when they decide to distribute the pictures. To use your letter examples which you appear to be fond of, focusing on the act of a not being the same as c is not appropriate when you need to be focusing on the composite act of abc being the same as abc.

0 likes

i really never liked this guy anyway! seriously psycho... and btw i don't think he ever makes sense... get off vegweb seriously

kmk is clicking on this topic really contributing to his disgusting-ness? if so we need to get it off vegweb! i would never show explicit pictures i had/ have of anyone... i always delete them if the relationship is done with... why would you keep them AND share them with friends? so disturbing and disgusting... maybe it is a boy thing? i know i would never do that!

0 likes

i really never liked this guy anyway! seriously psycho... and btw i don't think he ever makes sense... get off vegweb seriously

kmk is clicking on this topic really contributing to his disgusting-ness? if so we need to get it off vegweb! i would never show explicit pictures i had/ have of anyone... i always delete them if the relationship is done with... why would you keep them AND share them with friends? so disturbing and disgusting... maybe it is a boy thing? i know i would never do that!

I love you amy. Let's be friends.

0 likes

for sure you are always so positive and i love it  :)>>>

0 likes

Pages

Log in or register to post comments

More Posts Like This