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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Dear Allychristine,
I never thought I'd say this in just this way,  but I officially  :)>>> you!!  :-*

(In a non-creepy, strictly Platonic way of course. Your FB account is safe from me.)  8-)

Serious mushroom luvz,
YG

http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons/emoticon-anime-053.gif http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons/emoticon-anime-053.gif

Dear PG,
Know them well. Retreat into the Himalayas of your soul. Think Vanessa Redgrave. Or Dame Judy Dench. Straighten  your back, lift your chin and remember--you're superior to them because, hey, they work in the post office. You are a real person. You can see over the regulations, and they obviously can't.
Speak clearly and dis-tinct-ly, after all you are dealing with government idiots.
Been there,
YG

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Dear weather,
If you stopped switching back and forth between 40 degrees and 80 degrees we would probably be much better friends. I don't so much like going to sleep in one thing and waking up freezing cold. Just stay the same so I don't get confused.
-Sarah

Sarah,
Go to work, you should've left already. You don't even have shoes on yet. Slacker.
-You

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Dear weather,
If you stopped switching back and forth between 40 degrees and 80 degrees we would probably be much better friends. I don't so much like going to sleep in one thing and waking up freezing cold. Just stay the same so I don't get confused.
-Sarah

This!  Freakin' crazy Florida winters!  >:(

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Dear Dr J,
Hey, total thanks and praise for helping me return the ebook that didn't work. Now can you lend me some smarts so I learn how to use the Wifi thing?
It's been really great having you around today. We need to spend more time together.
Most people think you're like so serious and stuff and would never believe how much fun you are.
(Oh, and can you convince the physiotherapist to work with me on the scheduling appointments thing? If I can't fit it around classes, I won't be able to pay for it, so you might mention that. I realise he doesn't listen to you well, but you have more clout than I do with him.)

And thanks for continuing to turn good students my way.
Love,
YG

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Dear people(?) who wrote the HIPA laws,

Thank you for making it take a month for staff at the nursing home MIL lives at align the situation so they could "remind" her to make an appointment in front of me so I could get my hands on the referal to get it done.  She looked totally baffled when they asked her if she had ever made the appointment she was supposed to have made a MONTH ago.  She has no short term memory and medical professionals are not allowed to tell us what is going on so we have to "rely" on her. 

DIL who goes with MIL to appointments so someone knows what is going on with her

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Dear fucktards buying politicians,

I don't care if you buy your politicians through policy, through threats, and/or through multi-million dollar contributions. I only have one thing to say to you and you can quote me:

Fuck you. You all are fucking pathetic fucks.

Fuck you,
Go fuck yourself,
Josh
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Dear Stephen Colbert,

You are awesome. You always have been. Not only have you always raised the bar for comedy, you've always raised the awareness for serious matters in our country.

Thank you for having the courage and the know-how. I support you and your cause!

Sincerely,
Josh

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Dear Gary,

it was a week ago today that we parted ways.  I miss you so much and keep talking to you and thinking I see you  out of the corner of my eye.  I still can't believe that you left me and you're never coming back.

Love you always,
the big person who you allowed to live in your house (and who you loved slightly more than the other big person)

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Dear Shell,
I did this with Saul. I would also hear him digging around in his litterbox for weeks after the litterbox was no longer there.
I think it's their way of watching over us for those first few weeks.
Srsly.
Love,
anna

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Dear Shell,

I'm so sorry about Gary.  I lost my Nelson over 4 years ago and sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I still see him sitting on my bed. 
http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/4.gif
Holly

Dear Bobby,
My kung fu is strong so hit me with your best shot, jerkwad! http://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii85/Stormflakes/Random/flipping-the-bird.gif

The Invincible Holly Storm Cloud

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Dear Holly,
When I read your last post, and was giggling over "jerkwad", I swear your avatar winked at me!
I know it didn't, but I swear it did.
Love,
YG

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Dear Amazon,
Fuck you. I returned my book, which cost me 170 dollars, still in shrink wrap and 2 days after it arrived. There is no reason why you should keep 100 of that. I returned it to save money, not cost me more money. I could have sold it for far more than that. ASSHOLES.
-Sarah

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shell,

i am so so so so sorry. <3 <3 <3

-allison

sarah,

shit that sucks. you should call customer service.

-allison

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sarah,

call customer service! amazon is generally good about these types of things, and this seems like a genuine mistake. sounds like you were trying to return an item, and they thought you were selling back your "used" book to them.

fb

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"Dear" Kay,
Geez, girl--don't your thigh muscles hurt from all that jumping up and down yelling "Look at me! Look at me!" that  you do? Do you ever get a stiff neck from looking down your nose at others? And don't your arms hurt from waving in the air to call attention to yourself and your (obviously superior and better-informed) ideas and (supposedly) flawless sources of information?

I hate to be the one to say it, but NPR is not always an unbiassed source. Nor is any other media you care to name. And just because you like an idea doesn't make it true for everyone in all circumstances.

Chuh.
YG

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VH and FB,
I fixed it. haha. I was actually surprised by how fast they fixed it. Which probably happened because I was insanely pissed off. Now I just have to wait a million days to get my refund. I hate that they got it on Friday so the weekend doesn't count as days for it to process. Agh.
-Sarah

Last piece of pizza,
Get in my mouth
-Me

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dear vegan cookie I made tonight,

I love you and you taste amazing but,
I'll hate you in the morning when I get on the scale!

signed,
the hungry cookie muncher

ps... I already murdered your friends, and you're next  http://i1208.photobucket.com/albums/cc366/PlagueEleven/Smileys/cookie.gif

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Dear Gary,

nice to have you back in our house again......not quite the same as before, but just as cuddly.

Love, the big person who you let live in your house

PS sorry for embarrassing you and crying my eyes out at the vets when I came to collect you.

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Dear Shell,

I was thinking of Gary on my drive home today.  I'm happy she's where she's loved.

hh

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Dear Butt,

Don't think I'm just going to sit back and let you continue to head south without a fight!!  You will move back into position by the time I'm done with you.

Rawr!

Storm

Dear Baker Creek,

WHERE THE HELL IS MY SEED CATALOG?!!  Twice I've called and twice you've apologized and said you'd get it out right away.  I've been doing business with you for years.....WTF?!!  Do you want me to spend my $$ elsewhere? 

Pissed Off Gardner  >:(

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Dear customer service of an undisclosed company,

I'm sorry that you had to be on the receiving end of my wrath. Please know, it had nothing to do with you personally. But also know that I've flipped out on you for 2 days in a row. 5 times in a week. You'll see my notes in your system. If not, your supervisor has them.

Anyhow! I only get this angry (and angrier) for certain occasions. And you heard it. It's not you..it's your awful and pathetic company you work for and the piece of shit product it produces. I appreciate your competence. I hate (too soft of a word) your company.

Good day,
Josh

PS. Don't worry, I'm not going to threaten you or say the things I heard at my old job. It gives me another panic attack just thinking about it.

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