You are here

Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Haiya fufu!

Glad to see you.

0 likes

Dear people of omaha in their vehicles,

Yes, I'm walking.
Yes, I'm carrying groceries and
Yes, I do, at some point, need to cross the damn street!

So when I go to cross the street please have some kindness and wait the extra 7 seconds it takes me to walk across the road before you try to turn, this is mainly for the 400lb fatass woman driving her big truck who screamed at me out of her window. I just polietely smiled but I was plotting your death in my mind. I imagine the burger king whopper you were eating and that 32oz soda drink you're drinking it currently killing you and I'm hoping you will have a stroke or a heart attack soon, so you no longer share my air.

Oh and to those idiots who drive by and always stare at me because I'm walking, usually carrying something or pulling a cart behind me full of bags.

No, I'm not a homeless person (not that theres anything wrong with being homeless anyways)
No I'm not extremely poor (but I'm not super well-off either!)
no, I'm not driving because I can't afford it, I do it for my health and for the planet.

Stop screaming curse words at me for your amusement, stop honking at me to see if you can scare me.
I'd like to see your fat asses walk 5 or more miles to go to the damn grocery store, carry home 50 or more pounds of food UPHILL in the god damn winter!
Until then, feel free to kiss my FAT ASS!

http://www.abestweb.com/smilies/flipoff.gif

With all my love,
Jamie

ps, I hope you run your hummer or extra large sized pickup trucks into phone poles as you're starring at me.  ;)b ^-^ but please, try not to hit the trees as you're dying from your own stupidity.  :)>>>

0 likes

Dear People who Decide these Things:

Why, when I live about 5 stoopit miles from the building in which the phone company resides, can I not get interwebs? 
OKOK, I can get *shudder* dial-up.  But srsly...why not DSL?  I get that the cable company are pussies and won't come up the mountain, but you already have lines in place *whine* I need mah VegWeb!

With disgruntlies,
Revvie

Dear Mountain,

I love you, and I can't wait to see you in the spring!

Love,
Revvie down at the Farm

0 likes

To my gay friends (and anyone else who wants to read):

I just read this in the weekly Dan Savage column (Savage Love) and thought I'd share.
__________________________________________________________

I'm a 25-year-old straight man. One of my best buddies is gay, and I'm in gay bars with him twice a week or so. (We like to drink!) My question: What's the correct response when I get hit on by men in gay bars? If a guy comes on strong, I kind of feel bad saying, "I'm straight." Because I don't want him to think I'm saying, "You're disgusting." So what's the etiquette for a straight guy in a gay bar? Is it wrong to say you have a boyfriend instead of just saying you're straight? -Not Overly Concerned Lost Useless Entity

Guys who either don't have boyfriends or do have boyfriends but are in monogamish relationships will frequently say "I have a boyfriend" to get rid of a guy at a bar who they don't find attractive. So be honest, NOCLUE. Finding out he never had a shot at you because you're straight will be easier on a guy's ego than having to wonder what it is you and your imaginary boyfriend didn't find attractive about him.

Now, some gay dudes will be annoyed when they discover that the guy they've invested 10 whole minutes in eye-fucking isn't gay, but most will welcome your presence as proof that—forgive me—it gets better. Straight dudes hanging out in gay bars with their gay friends? Straight dudes who are secure enough in their own sexuality that they're comfortable with being viewed as a sex object by other men? Sure signs of progress, NOCLUE. That some gay dudes will have to waste a few precious minutes of their lives flirting with men they can't suckfuckrimdatemarry is a small price to pay to be reminded that we live in a less homophobic world.
____________________________________________________________________________

This reminds me of the time I went out with my buddy Curt. I had a guy chat me up until his friends told him, "dude!! He's straight." The guy (I believe his name was Jared) asked me if I was straight. I said I was and he was all apologetic for talking with me. I told him that I didn't care and that he was okay. He went elsewhere in the bar. I was kind of hurt he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm sure he just wanted to get laid. Haha!!

Another time I went out with my buddies Justin and Curt. We went to a bar where a drag queen named Ralph worked as bartender. A bartender by day and a drag queen by night. Ralph was very playful and sarcastic (as drag queens are). Anyhow..it came time for Justin and Curt to go smoke so we all headed outside. Ralph decided to join us.

We get outside and Ralph decided to make small talk. He looked at Justin and said, "what are you doing hanging out with these two fags?" We all cracked-up laughing. To this day, my buddy Justin says, "I can't believe you didn't say anything." My response was and will always be - "Why should I care? I knew he was joking." I don't need to puff my chest and scream some denouncement of his comments.

I am who I am. You are who you are. You're not a second or third-rate citizen. You're just as equal to me as I am to you. You may not be Joshua f'ing Montgomery but who is? I'm kidding. I'm thankful to have you in my life. I value you as a friend and as a person. You're not 'nothing'. And unless someone is being a negative in your life, it doesn't matter who you like or love or are attracted to. And that's that.

-Josh

0 likes

Dear Josh,
This reminded me of a statement I read by Lorraine Hansberry (who wrote Raisin in the Sun): "I am not a hundred other people. Are you?"
Great way to stop the generalisations by making the other person realise that you are just as much an individual as they are.
YG

0 likes

Dear Josh,
They just want your sexiness, don't take it personally.
Best wishes,
Faylina

ps. LOL! :-D

0 likes

Dear Josh,
This reminded me of a statement I read by Lorraine Hansberry (who wrote Raisin in the Sun): "I am not a hundred other people. Are you?"
Great way to stop the generalisations by making the other person realise that you are just as much an individual as they are.
YG

Thank you dearest Yabbit!! Just speaking my thoughts and thinking loud. I believe in benefitting the whole but respecting the individual. Individualism is where it all starts. I'm not making any sense....am I? Hahaha

-Josh

Fay -

LOLOL!!! Rrrrriiiiigggghhhht!!

-Josh

0 likes

Friend,
STOP NOT USING FUCKING CONDOMS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX. AND IT'S WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW. I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR VAGINA OUT OF YOUR BODY YOU IDIOT.
Ugh. Seriously. You laugh when i say this and say you know you're stupid BUT YOU CLEARLY DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL
-Sarah

0 likes

Dear Sarah,
I understand and I agree, but the idea of trying to remove what is essentially a hole from someone's body made me laugh hard. (Never mind me, I woke up at 3 AM again).

Dear Magic Thread,
Please help me find my amethyst cross. I want to wear it this week and besides it was a gift and I would hate to lose it. I've looked everywhere I can think of, twice. The chain is missing, too, so I know I took it off somewhere in the house, but where?
Thanx,
YG

0 likes

Friend,
STOP NOT USING FUCKING CONDOMS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX. AND IT'S WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW. I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR VAGINA OUT OF YOUR BODY YOU IDIOT.
Ugh. Seriously. You laugh when i say this and say you know you're stupid BUT YOU CLEARLY DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL
-Sarah

Sarah,

She will understand once she gets an STD for being a moron. I think something like 70% of peeps have an STD, many show no symptoms and it's not like many boys get tested, it is the girls that find out during their monthly checkup.

Amy

0 likes

Dear Veg Webbers,

Happy Ostara!

Storm

Dear Odin,

Why did your cross appear on my knee last night?  Just trying to understand the message.

Storm

0 likes

Dear Veg Webbers,

Happy Ostara!

Storm

Dear Storm,
I can't quite rustle up a happy face for the march toward...ugh...summer. (I know y'all love it, but then y'all don't live here.) Get back to me at the autumnal equinox and I'll have something to celebrate.
Love yas,
YG

0 likes

Dear Veg Webbers,

Happy Ostara!

Storm

Dear Odin,

Why did your cross appear on my knee last night?  Just trying to understand the message.

Storm

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fBEA6JXtxw4/T0ZaR2v_I1I/AAAAAAAACW0/SnJO5d3OsTQ/s300/ostara7.jpg
Blessed Ostara

Dear Storm,
You've reminded me just how out of touch with my "beliefs I really am, I'm letting others take that away from me. I should spend more time on me.
Thanks for that, another reason why you're awesome. :)
Thankies,
Faylina

0 likes

Dear Faylina,

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/4.gif

Storm

Dear Baby Brother,

You are is you're, not your....bonehead!

Big Sister

0 likes

Dear family (and that means ALL of you living in the house except DGS 17 mo and the furry ones),

Why the $%&* can't anyone but me change a TP roll or throw out the old paper tubes?  The youngest of you all is 18.  This is not rocket science.  I am tired of cleaning up after you all and then not having time for what I want/need to do for myself.  Cinderella is resigning!  File all complaints in the trash can.

0 likes

Dear Sarah,
I understand and I agree, but the idea of trying to remove what is essentially a hole from someone's body made me laugh hard. (Never mind me, I woke up at 3 AM again).

Dear Magic Thread,
Please help me find my amethyst cross. I want to wear it this week and besides it was a gift and I would hate to lose it. I've looked everywhere I can think of, twice. The chain is missing, too, so I know I took it off somewhere in the house, but where?
Thanx,
YG

Sarah,
That made me laugh my arse of as well!

Yabbit,

I hope you find your necklace, it sounds lovely! (Hey there!, sorry you've had sleeping troubles lately :/  )

0 likes

Yabbit,
I WILL FIND A WAY TO DO IT!
-Sarah

Sprint,
You are made of jerks. That's what you're made of. I can't wait until my contract is over and I can leave this horrrribleeee company. Why would you give me a replacement phone that's held together with tape? How stupid is that. Last year when I had to get a new phone the buttons were half broken. COME ON. Give me a break. I went in and waited an hour and showed how crappy the phone was put together and how it was falling apart and I was told to leave and come back when called that day. NEVER GOT A CALL AND IT'S BEEN 3 DAYS AND AGUGAWL;ESDJFG. Jerks. I use your little online customer service chat to tell you about the poopy quality of your phones for their insane price and I am told I can buy a new phone and renew my contract. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I'M ASKING ABOUT. You farts.
-Sarah

0 likes

Dear tax people....

F-off, if i would have known your easy services would have made it this unbearable and complicated i would have fucked them up myself.

kthx,
Jess

0 likes

*DOUBLE POST*

Dear VW,

I found cool new (to me) products i want to share with the next giftee that is so danged cursed to get me as a gifter. when is vegweb gonna be safe enough for another one? hmmmmmm?

Hopeful,
Jess

0 likes

dear new boss and job,

i am so confused... you were so cool and now i feel like u chuck me out with the sharks to fend for myself with no help... i am smart but i need some freakin direction so i can make both of us look good... ur an ass and i'm about to bounce if you keep this up... i am sick of this shit already... we could make a great team, so help me out a bit...

annoyed and frazzled,

amy

0 likes

Pages

Log in or register to post comments