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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Dear neighbor in a box,

I honestly had no idea what my paper tearing was doing to you.  I guess I never really thought about it.  The reason I do it is to flag it as "shredder box" recycling as opposed to regular recycling, so I know to take it to the shredder box on my next bathroom trip.  Thanks for letting me know.  (Seriously, I think I'm going to ask a couple co-workers that I trust to give me honest answers.  Funny how the most annoying people probably don't even have a clue!  ::))

-Your annoying, apologetic neighbor

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Pink, I party on Monday if the mood stikes me... :-\ But I'm not loud nor do I share a common wall with anyone...

they're outside on the patio, music blaring, screaming, singing, being super loud and annoying. THAT kind of partying. it's cool if you live in a complex that does that kind of stuff, but this is a lot of families, older people, and working folks. They're the only loud college students. Sorry if I offended you.

No offense at all! Neighbors like that suck I agree!

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dear secret vw crush,

please post more stuff about you so i can have something to distract me from my life. i know you "know" me, perhaps not IRL but you talk about me enough. do you have a crush too? i can be dense about these things, but i've noticed the trend.

xoxo (i wish),
bp

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dear boston,

please get some more universities needing a sociologist so i can get a job and return to your hot arms this next year employed. i would rather not end up at the university of podunk, population 100. i enjoyed my time with you and all the eye candy and walking routes you have to offer. you are by far the queerest and veganist-fastic city i know. the couple fucking in the park, in the grass, was a good site too. you know you want me.

bp

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Dear Doctor Piazza,

Thank you ever so much for leaving me sitting in a freezing exam room wearing nothing but a giant napkin for an hour and forty-five minutes.  I realize you're a big hot shot spinal surgeon but for the record, my time is every bit as valuable as your time.  You'd just better live up to your reputation pal!

Sincerely,

A Pissed-off Patient

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Dear Body:
Thank you for going for walks and losing 2 lbs. A pound a week, I can live with that. Now, don't let Mouth sabotage it by eating halva.
Love,
Your Soul

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Dear bp,

Am I your secret crush? JK, but I think I know who it is. Maybe I'll message you and ask you....b/c it's that important to me.  ;)

-AC

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Dear Time,

Please give me more of you so I can catch up on VegWeb and decipher who BP's crush is.
(I love romance!)

-Can't Keep Up

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To Whom It May Concern:

I think I know!  I think I know!!  I think it's someone whose first food picture I was extremely impressed by.  OK.  That's all I'll say.  And if I'm right, you two would make SUCH a great couple cuz you're both really super neato.  And I think you guys might even be geographically compatible, though for VW crushes I'm not sure that matters.

-Way too excited

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Dear VW,

Lubi and I have created a love match, if you aren't aware. SoG and AnS are now in love. Thanks to us.

-Vegan matchmaking service

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and Dear BP,
if you tell us who your crush is we can probably help you too!!!

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dear tino,

be BP's crush. hearts,

tino

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Dear neighbor in a box,

I honestly had no idea what my paper tearing was doing to you.  I guess I never really thought about it.  The reason I do it is to flag it as "shredder box" recycling as opposed to regular recycling, so I know to take it to the shredder box on my next bathroom trip.  Thanks for letting me know.  (Seriously, I think I'm going to ask a couple co-workers that I trust to give me honest answers.  Funny how the most annoying people probably don't even have a clue!  ::))

-Your annoying, apologetic neighbor

You have a neighbor in a box?  I have tried and just can't seem to figure out what that means except the obvious...neighbor in a box. I know after you explain it you will want to but a "duh!" smilie..feel free to do so. ???

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Dear bp,

How can you write a letter like that and not tell us who it is.  Don't you know that we all are wracking our brains to figure it out. I truly don't have a clue(well a tiny clue maybe)..but I am dense like that. :o I am sure whom ever it is would be completely flattered.

nosy nelly

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Dear bp and tino,

Is this the crush? I think so? I tried to be discreet, but :whatever:
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Dear THHF,

I think she means like in the next cubicle, at work.  ???

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Dear raton laveur,

I miss you! I say we put all the negative stuff behind us and be friends, cause I've never had a friend quite like you. With dreams of finger painting,

tino

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Dear bp,

I think you wrote the letter to your VW crush just to torture us who don't know who you're talking about.

-Pix

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Dear pompous ex-boyfriend,

I don't mind corresponding with you via email, especially when you whine about how your wife is mean to you, but please refrain from calling your cockerspaniel a "$250- a - pup - machine". This type of attitude pisses me off, and I cannot begin to explain how much. I know you don't have much respect for anything, but I was hoping you could stop bringing more creatures into a world where too many die just for being born. I hope my passive aggressive response makes you think about what you're doing.

You're still an ass. I know why I didn't date you long.

-Pix

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Dear THHF,

I think she means like in the next cubicle, at work.  ???

What she said.  (It was in response to purpledancer's letter.  :-\)

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gotcha. ;)b

I appreciate the no "duh" smilie.

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gotcha. ;)b

I appreciate the no "duh" smilie.

Awww... I didn't meant that as "no duh"... I meant it as more of "I dunno... I'm too vague and no one ends up getting me"!  :smileteeth:

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Dear bathroom,

I hope you get better soon.  It's been far too long since I was able to pay you a visit.

Regards,
Chuckles

PS - Would you prefer to be called Lou?

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