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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

dear ladies at girls rock camp,

you are all dreamy.

love, kelsi

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Dear SIL-
I'm kind of scared to talk to you now. I'm anxious.
-S

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Dear metabolism,

I wish you would speed up so I could happily eat pie for every meal.

Love,

Base

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Dear metabolism,

I wish you would speed up so I could happily eat pie for every meal.

Love,

Base

Bwahahahahahahahah!!!  :-D  You kill me.  (And can you please cc my metabolism?  Thx)

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Dear Dad,

I know you love me a whole lot, and I look forward to our upcoming vacation. I really wish that you could make some decisions for yourself this week so that I am not responsible for EVERYTHING under the sun. Please, make some plans, or mine will entail shoe shopping.

Love,
Courtney

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To Whom It May Concern,

I am severely tired of this season (year!) of eternal colds and flus. Please leave me and my family alone. It is most inconvenient.

Regards,
Me.

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Dear Doctor Rojas:
I am not happy with my medication. Thyroid supplements are supposed to help. They're not. Please listen when I talk, don't just stare down at your prescription pad waiting for me to shut up. I know I don't pay to see you but you do get paid--a huge salary--out of my tax dollars. Right now, I'm a pretty dissatisfied stockholder!

Without patients, ducky, you're nowhere. I know of more than one doctor of medicine who is driving a bus or working in an office pushing papers. Use the smarts that got you that cushy government job to actually help people, kay?

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Without patients, ducky, you're nowhere. I know of more than one doctor of medicine who is driving a bus or working in an office pushing papers. Use the smarts that got you that cushy government job to actually help people, kay?

I love that word 'ducky'....lol! I actually use it in conversation too  ;)b

Doctor's can suck, sorry yabbit.

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Dear DH-

First I want to say THANK YOU for eating veg with me (yay)!

But, the thing is I know you chew (tobacco) and I'm tired of finding it all over the bathroom floor. You apparently like to take a chew while taking a crap or something....???  If you insist on having such a disgutsting habit could you please be sure not to miss your mouth when you put a dip in????

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Dear DH-

First I want to say THANK YOU for eating veg with me (yay)!

But, the thing is I know you chew (tobacco) and I'm tired of finding it all over the bathroom floor. You apparently like to take a chew while taking a crap or something....???   If you insist on having such a disgutsting habit could you please be sure not to miss your mouth when you put a dip in????

Pooh, apparently "chawin'" can get things moving and prevent irregularity. Start putting prunes in his Danish or something and maybe he'll quit this?

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Dear wine,

Why are you so good to me?

Love,

Base

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Dear wine,

Why are you so good to me?

Love,

Base

Dear Base-

We share the same love for wine  :)>>> I myself am enjoying a glass (or so) right now  ;)

PB

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dear dad,

I'm so glad you've joined AA and you've finally decided that sobriety is the best way, at least I know you'll be around for many more years now. That still doesn't excuse you for forgetting my birthday yesterday. I know you felt bad about it, because your wife called me after I spoke to you and tried to make it better. Granted, it was once in 33 you've forgotten-but it really ruined my day.

Your Daughter.

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Dear DH-

First I want to say THANK YOU for eating veg with me (yay)!

But, the thing is I know you chew (tobacco) and I'm tired of finding it all over the bathroom floor. You apparently like to take a chew while taking a crap or something....???   If you insist on having such a disgutsting habit could you please be sure not to miss your mouth when you put a dip in????

Pooh, apparently "chawin'" can get things moving and prevent irregularity. Start putting prunes in his Danish or something and maybe he'll quit this?

Oh yabbit if only that were true. The boys in his family have these amazing superstar colons....seriously. They poo like 4-5 times a day not matter what they eat! It is so unfair to the rest of the world..... He is definaltey not irregular and makes me mad. I wish I could poo like him too.  ::)

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Dear Michael Savage,

I would like very much to know what research you have been reading re: autism is overdiagnosed/there is no definitive way to diagnose it. Then I could mail you a package of research refuting those ridiculous claims. Perhaps I could even arrange for you to meet Catherine Lord or Ami Klin.

I also hope not too many people took your off-base, insensitive, and just plain wrong comments to heart. I hope that you would not even DREAM of trying to increase your ratings by blatantly attacking the members of society who are least able to defend themselves.

And I hope that someday, you meet someone with autism who will change your heart. Perhaps you might even have a grandchild with autism someday. Then you can make a public apology to us all.

Sincerely,
PP and students in her classroom

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Dear Sisters,

I am so proud of you both. I love you so much it hurts. M, you will look beautiful in your wedding dress and I am so happy A will be joining our family permanently. He is a wonderful guy and he treats you like the queen you are. Let me know when you wanna drop off the kids -- I'll take them for the whole summer!

L - I'm proud of you for having the guts to follow through on the Peace Corps, despite your doubts. I hope it is a happy, positive experience for you. I will send you veggie care packages and news of the Olympics! I know you will touch many people, or at least make them laugh with your crazy stories! I will miss you so much. I'm trying not to be sad.

Both of you - as you have new adventures - please don't forget about me...I'm kinda scared.

Love,
PP

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Dear Parrots on Telegraph Hill,

Please move to Maryland.  I miss your crazy caws inappropriately early in the morning.

Love,
MDV

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Dear tofu,

Hurry up and bake yourself quicker so I can turn the freaking oven off. It's hot!

Love,
Base

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Dear coworker:

Stop turning the air conditioner on every time I turn it off. It's freezing in here. I shouldnt have to wear two sweaters while I work.

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Dear Barometer,

Stop swinging wildly about.  It hurts my legs so badly that I want to cry in agony all night and day.

Thanks,
:pirate:

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