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Eating Disorder returning unconsciously?

A thought popped into my head the other night that chilled my bones. So, this last year or so of my life has been exceptionally hard and I have been really stressed. When I am stressed, I push away food and will often stop and force myself to eat something only before I feel like passing out. I did not start doing this until after I thought I was over binging and purging to relieve stress.

I used to have a pretty bad time purging, stopped eating meat and tried to embrace a healthier lifestyle but now I am thinner than ever. I know its bad when size 0 jeans have to be folded over the top to stop from falling down. Belts don't work anymore.

Today I've had three small bowls of vegetable soup. Yesterday I had a salad and some chips. I think I ate a sandwich the day before that. I don't consciously restrict calories, but I am dropping weight like crazy and people are commenting and I like it. I don't really know what to do. I never sought help for my eating disorder (I really hate calling it that) but I know I cannot go down that road again. It was absolute hell. This time it even manifests in a different way. I have not make myself throw up in well over a year and a half. I hardly ever restricted calories before.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

This is something you will deal with forever unfortunately... but at least focus on maintaining a weight that makes sense for you and if you lose past that you need to eat more... Don't fall back into the abyss... I have a bit at the moment but am trying to stay strong... Eat to live be good to yourself... If you need to talk message me I'm dealing with similar shizzzz right now... Hang in there stress is what triggers me as well... Find a new way to deal with it, easier said than done i know <3

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Amy is right, this is something that you will deal with your entire life. Eating disorders are addictions and once you have an addiction, you have it forever. Eating disorders are the hardest to get a handle on because you can go your entire life without a drink but you have to eat to live. You probably already know this but ED's are a response to stress and a lack of control in your life and once you have an ED that type of thinking will get hardwired into your head. Good thing about our brains is that they're maleable. Consider counseling (hopefully with an ED specialist) to not only get a handle on your eating disorder but to also help find alternative ways to cope and it will also help you all the way around. You will always have to deal with this but if you get help and learn more about yourself, how you work and you work towards adapting a healthy lifestyle all around (not just with your eating) then it will be easier.

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ED is an addiction that you'll have forever. Sometimes these food boards help, sometimes not too.

I don't have much advice except to stay strong and remember that eating less and being skinnier isn't going to make you happier.

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Yeah, I know it will always be with me but I wish I had an addiction that wasn't so weird and just hard for people without it to understand. I contemplated going to the nurse at work, but don't know how much she'll be able to help. I just hope I won't have to eat meat as part of a treatment plan. I think they would force me to eat eggs and dairy though...

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Yeah, I know it will always be with me but I wish I had an addiction that wasn't so weird and just hard for people without it to understand. I contemplated going to the nurse at work, but don't know how much she'll be able to help. I just hope I won't have to eat meat as part of a treatment plan. I think they would force me to eat eggs and dairy though...

i wouldn't go to the nurse at work... you need to find someone who specializes in ED's or they won't have a clue seriously... i lucked out and found an ED specialist who has a vegan son so she is totally non judgmental and supportive of my diet... if only i had a PPO so i could see her more :(

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I agree with Amy, try to seek out a specialist. I don't think a nurse could do much for you, this is something for a psychiatrist and preferably a specialist. It would also help to see a counselor of some sort. There are other underlying issues besides your eating disorder and in order to break the cycle you need to be able to confront those issues and learn how to manage them.

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It's very telling that you gave up meat the same time you gave up purging "for a healthier lifestyle" when in fact it was just to fool yourself.  

The probable truth is that while you haven't given up purging, the "disorder" never left you.

Many people don't eat and lose weight when stressed (although I'm just the opposite), but truthfully again, you know that's just an excuse, because life is always going to be stressful.   Still now that you've embraced the vegetarian lifestyle there is no reason that an eating plan, that is designed for you to gain weight can't remain vegetarian.  Just make sure you're not like the legions of low cal eaters masking a disorder by being vegan.

Right now you're being very honest with yourself and you're on the road to recovery.  First step taken.  It won't be an easy road regardless.  I hope you find the help you need and get healthy for real!

All the best.

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Yes, absolutely. You can especially have these problems if you're ODing on laxatives. When you purge, take laxatives and/or don't eat enough it is EXTREMELY painful.

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Yes, absolutely. You can especially have these problems if you're ODing on laxatives. When you purge, take laxatives and/or don't eat enough it is EXTREMELY painful.

do you think docs would be able to discover this?

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Yes, absolutely. You can especially have these problems if you're ODing on laxatives. When you purge, take laxatives and/or don't eat enough it is EXTREMELY painful.

do you think docs would be able to discover this?

No, I don't think so. None of mine did and unless they had signs of an ED I doubt they would even think of it. Some signs (but they might not have any, it depends on the person) of bulimia (or EDNOS):
-Laxative use. Can occur with many of excuses as to why they need to use laxatives.
-Large quantities of food gone.
-Short index (and maybe middle) fingernails.
-Toilet bowl staining.
-Reoccuring pipe problems.
-Yellowing or pushed out teeth. I think this one would be more for someone who's been purging for years.
-Excessive exercise.
-Food rituals.

Those are just some signs. Again though, it depends on the person.

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I have a question for people with EDs:

I have sort of suspected my sister has an ED. She has been in the ER two nights in a row for extreme gastro-pain, and they THINK its intestinal, but they haven't said anything yet. They have run bunches of tests and ruled out appendix problems, etc....
I guess she woke up and threw up and then was keeled over in the fetal position in a ton of pain.
I don't know anything else at this point.
Would/could extreme gastro-intestinal pain be a side effect of an ED?

Are you noticing any changes in her social habits? Does she show any suspicious eating habits or patterns? Is she a perfectionist or have any type of OCD? Does she have a lot of stress in her life? Is it hard for her to talk about her feelings or problems?

I wouldn't go just on the gastro issues alone as an indicator of an eating disorder.

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Me either, that's why I posted some other signs. A combination of these may be an indication but not the gastro problems alone.

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So, I've been taking 5-htp and pretty much forcing myself to eat throughout the day. I also started talking to a girl I met years ago when I was on an ed forum, Cerulean Butterfly and that really helped bring me back.

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good led... keep om trucking and yay for good influences, you can beat this!

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