she is YOUR daughter and you have the right to choose what she eats... that is so horrible that she would go behind your back and do that... maybe you can make her meals ahead of time and tell your MIL these are her meals for the day... where is your husband? he needs to sit down and have a talk with her

Ok, that is *not* about food... just like the way rape's about violence vs sex, your MIL is using food to manipulate her relationship with you into what she wants it to be. She is saying, 'I know more than you about raising children; and you're in my debt, so I have more power than you, within this family.'

I think you have to sit down with her-- just the two of you, not your husband or daughter... Try to not gouge her eyeballs out right away, but say something like, 'This is what it seems like has been happening-- do I have it right? I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.' Let her talk. Listen, don't react-- reflect back/ rephrase what she tells you, without adding anything else, until she's done presenting her views. (This is hard! But a solution here depends on this relationship. Let her feel like you're listening to her, and considering her input without judgment. Take calming breaths!)

Then ask if she understands that this issue is very important to you-- she doesn't have to understand why, or agree with your views-- but just have her acknowledge that she understands the *fact* that (for whatever reason) this is important to you. Emphasize that this is an ethics issue, like what church to raise your child in; for someone else to undermine the ethics you're trying to pass on to your child is deeply hurtful. If she knows how important this is to you, and chooses to do something that hurtful to you, and keeps doing it after you talk it over... make sure she understands that that *will* kill your relationship, & limit her relationship with her grand-daughter once you're not living there. Calmly insist on your right to parent your own child... but ask her to help you think of a solution to this problem. You might also consider saying something like, 'Since you disagree with me about this, why don't we see if we can agree on an age where you can talk with her about these things? Right now she's so young, it's like you're undermining my authority; can we agree that you can present these foods when she's 8 (or whatever), and let her choose for herself?' Make her see you as a partner, working on the same side, to solve a mutual problem... because it is! NO ONE benefits from a house full of tension, and ultimately she has more to lose than you: access to/ relationship with her grandchild.

If all that doesn't work... gouge her eyeballs out!

Or, as a last resort-- b/c it's always gonna be a longer-lasting solution if it comes from you-- have hubby talk to her, tell her to knock it off or risk alienating HIM, as well as you... this approach helped with my MIL's persistent efforts to secure my church attendance, when all other strategies failed to kill the topic.

Good luck... that is some RIDICULOUS behavior, on her part, and I have to wonder if just WANTS to be strangled or something... But stay calm! Don't let her goad you into fits, however justified...

Wow that completely sucks. It must be a really difficult situation. Too bad you don't live in Kentucky, I'd offer to watch your daughter for free just to keep that from happening. Is there anyone else that could watch her? If it only happens while you guys are at work then maybe it would be worth it to find someone else... Oh and you're sure it was animal bacon right? Not veggie bacon? Just making sure.. But she sounds really manipulative :(

I was worried about the same thing, as far as my daughter not knowing the difference between real and fake hotdogs and such. But at school she'll ask if something is a cow or if it is cow cheese. I know she has eaten non-vegan things(corn dog SOUNDS vegan, right? Corn. Dog.), but she definitely gets the concept. Yours probably will, too.