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I have some questions for mothers.

As you know I am trying to decided to either get an abortion or have the child.

I am totally up in the air about this, terrified of the consequences either way. (I am shaking again, totally stressed out about it)

When I have the baby I will only have two weeks of paid maternaty leave, and I will be a single parent so the baby is going to have to be taken care of at only two weeks of age by somebody.  Do child care centers take care of babies that age?  How do I find somebody to take care of the baby when it is only a tiny newborn while I go to work?

Also, after the baby is born I will be trying like holy hell to find a job close to my mom or the father of the child.  My mom offered to take the baby and care for it for the first few months until I get on my feet.  Is that a good idea?  That means that I won't be able to nurse it more than just a few days or a couple of weeks.  Is this a problem? 

I got pregnant when I was 18. I lived with my parents until I was 23. I still have only a high school education. I'm below the poverty line. I get no child support from the father. My parents help out a lot. Although I'm trying to go back college now. I love my son sooo much. But I'm stressed!

The commerical daycares I've seen will take children at 6 weeks. It may be different in different places. Nursing for a couple of weeks is better than not at all. And you can still pump. Children can be perfectly healthy without breastmilk. (my mom was feed goat's milk) Breastfeeding hurt me and my nipples bled. I think I did it for for like 2 weeks.

Only you can make the choice. I love my son, but it is a hard life being a single mom. But I think you have a good job so maybe it would be easier. I don't have "a life".  I've dated only a little in 5 years. It is lonely. I don't mean to sound depressing. There are good times. Like watching your child learn new things.

There is a saying, "The hand that rocks the craddle rules the world". Being a mother is a very imporant job.

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That's a very personal decision. I personally, would not feel comfortable handing my baby over to a stranger at 2 weeks(let alone a year!). Babies need full attention of their parents/caregivers. Your Mom would probably be a better option as you know where she's coming from and she is closer to the baby. I think it's great that she's willing to help you out like that, wherever her intentions come from. I mean, how many parents don't want grandchildren! Momma's milk is the most healthful food for babies.  It is also an amazing bonding experience. Keep pumping your milk open as an option. I know people that thought they'd only nurse a few months and then ended up letting baby ween herself. Also, some people desperately want to breastfeed and can't, for whatever reason. Having a baby is a big thing. It is rewarding, stressful, beautiful, tear-your-hair-out crazy sometimes, breathtaking, real true love... No one is ever 100% ready. Those that think they are will be in for surprise after surprise. There are many choices to be made and noone will make all the right ones. Do your best to make a choice that you can live with, because you'll need to live with it! That said, it is your choice alone. I could spout all the advice in the world and all that really makes a difference is what you learn through your own experiences. Say you choose to have this child, do you have support? It is vital to be able to talk and be around others that have similar experiences. Also, just because there is a biological father does not mean that he must be there. If he wants you to abort, maybe it's best he's not, then again, he may have said so because he thought that's what you'd want. I don't know. That said, I know nothing of the guy you speak of, so I'll move along. Have you thought of adopting out? Are you comfortable with abortion? Make sure that you make an empowered decision, whatever it may be. There is no easy answer, unfortunately. Listen to your instincts.

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The commerical daycares I've seen will take children at 6 weeks. It may be different in different places.

Some at 8 weeks, I worked in daycare for a while.
That being said, go Lauranc.  You rock.  Keep doing what  you're doing, girl.

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reading your posts and the discussions, i can't help but think that another option you might want to consider are open adoption. it kind of feels "in the middle" of the what you're thinking about. essentially, another family adopts the child but the child is able to maintain a relationship with the birth mother.

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reading your posts and the discussions, i can't help but think that another option you might want to consider are open adoption. it kind of feels "in the middle" of the what you're thinking about. essentially, another family adopts the child but the child is able to maintain a relationship with the birth mother.

That's definitely a positive option to consider. There are many people out there who desperately want a child and can't have one themselves, who would give a baby a wonderful life. Whether or not you go with the open adoption or choose to conceal your identity, you'd be creating a positive out of what is understandably a massive negative for you right now. A friend of mine was adopted at birth in 1972 and just recently started communicating with her biological mom, who was all of 16 when she got pregnant. Katie understands her mother's reasons for giving her up and agrees it was the best thing for her to do; she has a wonderful adoptive family (with 2 other adopted siblings) and now she and her "bio-mom" (Katie's word for it) have the beginnings of a good friendship.

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I was a single parent at age 19.  Both of my children are now grown.  I had support from all of my family and was able to get an AA degree.  It was HARD but I wouldn't change a thing.  You must make the best decision for you.  All of us are different. 

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SQ--  I know breastfeeding is healthy for the child, etc., but trust me--it is way down on the list for things you should be considering right now.  It is not that important.

I think what is more important is how you will feel with your mom raising your baby and you can't see it every day.  Here you are, possibly suffering from postpartum depression (which is always possible) and it's three weeks later and you're alone back at work while your mom lives somewhere else with your baby?  Now THAT would send me headlong into a depression.

For the first few months they are just a collection of cells that do their best to make you sick.  I had no particular attachment to any of my kids at the embryo stage.  But during the last few months, when they are bigger, they start to move around and that is when you find yourself becoming attached.  Which is why, I think, it is hard for women to consider adoption unless they have a lot of support from people around them and they are sure it is what is best for them and the child.

There are lots of cultures where the grandparents raise the grandchildren while the parents go out and find work (often to other countries).  I'm not sure where you live but here in NY there are thousands of working poor who have left their children with their parents while they work here and send money home.  They are driven by economic necessity and since there are so many of their friends doing it, they have more social support for it in a way.  But if you talk to them, they always miss their children.

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My dad called me and let me know that he is behind me 100%.  My job does offer 3 weeks of paid maternity leave, and then 12 weeks of unpaid leave.  I have some money saved up.  If I moved out of my apartment for 12 weeks and moved in with my mom, this might work out afterall.  So, just about when I am due, I guess I go on maternity leave and go to my mom's house, it is a three day's drive, maybe i can make it two.  Don't know how to manage that.  I need to get my car and my cats up there somehow.  I am going to check with my apartment and see if they have any deals where they will require less rent if I am not living there for about three months.  Don't know how to work this out, but I will manage.

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Thats awesome that your parents want to help you out on this...if your apartment doesn't have a deal like that with lower rent, you may consider looking on craigslist or checking around with friends to see if anyone is able to take over rent for those last few months. Maybe you could even discuss with your apartment manager your situation. If they are sympathetic, maybe they will allow you to dissolve the rental agreement mutually (a slim chance, but maybe worth looking into.) I know in my town they have a program called "single mothers by choice" its a networking thing. I think they help eachother with things like childcare, tips and support. If you are out of work for several months you may be eligible for disability in some states. Way to go, considering the options though! I really want to send you a care package, just to let ya know you are cared about....look for my email?

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SQ--  I know breastfeeding is healthy for the child, etc., but trust me--it is way down on the list for things you should be considering right now.  It is not that important.

I think what is more important is how you will feel with your mom raising your baby and you can't see it every day.  Here you are, possibly suffering from postpartum depression (which is always possible) and it's three weeks later and you're alone back at work while your mom lives somewhere else with your baby?  Now THAT would send me headlong into a depression.

For the first few months they are just a collection of cells that do their best to make you sick.  I had no particular attachment to any of my kids at the embryo stage.  But during the last few months, when they are bigger, they start to move around and that is when you find yourself becoming attached.  Which is why, I think, it is hard for women to consider adoption unless they have a lot of support from people around them and they are sure it is what is best for them and the child.

I agree 100% with you, jkl. As everyone else has said, I think it's important for you, SQ, to think about what is best for everyone involved--you AND the baby. I don't know how to say this without being too blunt, but just because you carry the pregnancy to full-term & keep the baby doesn't necessarily make it the best option. (I'm not saying it won't be the best option for you, but I personally believe that a living baby with a tumultuous life isn't in a "better" situation than an embryo that was terminated. :-\)

I understand that this is a very emotional time for you, and I'm sure you are completely overwhelmed. But you have said it yourself several times--you don't want a baby. I'm not sure what made you decide to continue on with the pregnancy & keep the child, but I just had to say that I hope you're making this decision for you--NOT because you don't want to disappoint your mom.

I'm sure having a baby can be a really beautiful thing, but not if you're doing it for someone else. Right now, the decision is about what you want. Once (if) a baby comes, it's not just about you anymore. And it never will be again.

I hope you can tell that everyone here will support your decision, no matter what you ultimately choose. I'm really not trying to sway you in any direction--I just wanted to add in my opinion, since I was really confused as to what suddenly made you decide to continue with the pregnancy after wanting so badly to abort.

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I hope you can tell that everyone here will support your decision, no matter what you ultimately choose. I'm really not trying to sway you in any direction--I just wanted to add in my opinion, since I was really confused as to what suddenly made you decide to continue with the pregnancy after wanting so badly to abort.

i too am confused...as you stated earlier that you did "not WANT a baby".....and have stated that you could not afford it...etc.

let me ask...I know you've brought it up...i know it's YOUR body...but what does the "father" say now?... b/c it's BOTH of your "problem" to deal with... i hope he is "dealing" with this as well...as he too made this "thing" happen....it always takes 2...

all I can say....and I'll fucking throw this shit right out here....when i was in HS....in 12th grade....my GF at the time got pregnant....we BOTH decided that it would be a "horrible" time for us to bring a baby into the world...that would one day be an adult....but that neither of us was prepared to care for. We both had dreams and desires...yes...we had sex....yes...we had to "Deal" with it....but i'm glad she brought me into the decision...as it was "both" of ours to make...

I know this...my "career" and life as i know it would have been very very very "different" had we not "both" came to the conclusion that aborting the baby was the best thing for it. It's NOT selfish...it's HONEST...as neither one of us "wanted" a child...just as you yourself stated earlier....you said it with your very own words.... i know it's a tough call...but if you don't WANT a child...don't have one...

and for those that say "adopt" it out.....how about all those in foster care...that have no homes.... I so fucking LOVE everyone that says "have the baby and adopt it out"...because there are "thousands" of people that want to "adopt"....if there are truly THOUSANDS that want to adopt...then WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE STILL THOUSANDS of children still in foster care here in the US???!!! There are "millions" of kids world wide that need parents...why fucking "add" to it??!!

Anyone that wants to adopt can do so if they are qualified....my own brother did.... the last thing this world needs is more kids waiting for "adoptive parents"...as there are thousands here in the US alone that have no home...why add to the problem? I want to add...that it's "ironic" that most of those that adopt in the US are Liberals....it's a fact...look it up...yet those that are AGAINST abortion..do the least when it comes to actually adopting children.....as i said...look it up.

I'm SURE i'm not the ONLY one here that can admit as to myself or another partner going through the abortion thing....i myself...know...and sleep very very well at night just knowing that when i was was a teenaged idiot...i did the RIGHT thing along with my GF at the time... I know in my heart we did. I have no regrets... in fact...my life would have been "ruined" if we had not gone down that very path....
-d

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and for those that say "adopt" it out.....how about all those in foster care...that have no homes.... I so fucking LOVE everyone that says "have the baby and adopt it out"...because there are "thousands" of people that want to "adopt"....if there are truly THOUSANDS that want to adopt...then WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE STILL THOUSANDS of children still in foster care here in the US???!!! There are "millions" of kids world wide that need parents...why fucking "add" to it??!!

assuming that the father is white and the baby is healthy, there most likely wouldn't' be an issue of adoption. healthy, WHITE babies on the "adoption market" are expensive. "other children"-- nonwhite, older kids, sibling sets, children with disabilities--are the ones who are harder to place in homes/in foster care. i don't honestly see adoption as a choice that will "add" to the problem. those who want to adopt the "healthy white BABY" will most likely continue to seek that "healthy white baby" and never bother with those "less desirable children".

the problem is, pregnancy is a seen as a black or white issue--we think that way when we're stressed. i think bringing adoption in is a realistic option that can be considered if SQ wants to think about it. 

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is abortion vegan?

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is abortion vegan?

It is.  Compared to bringing a life into the world that you cannot care for, abortion is the humane choice.

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so if Im pro abortion does that make me pro chicken egg?

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I don't know about pro chicken egg, but...

pro-choice = pro bow chicka

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thats never stopped the anti abortionists from banging

why dont we just give sterilization pills to everyone and let the population dwindle a bit? once there are no more kids needing homes, we can open up the vaginas again

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thats never stopped the anti abortionists from banging

and then secretly having abortions.

why dont we just give sterilization pills to everyone and let the population dwindle a bit? once there are no more kids needing homes, we can open up the vaginas again

Nonono.  Once the population dwindles, men will be welcomed back to the party.  Maybe.

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guess i should have clarifyed opening up the vaginas for exits....entrances still acceptable

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pro-choice = pro bow chicka

Thankyou. I will always be pro-sex.

Straight up, I would feel no guilt aborting an unplanned embryo, I WOULD feel guilt if I had a baby that I couldn't support or give myself to entirely OR not knowing what happened to that baby.
If you've got the embryo in the oven, you know more than anyone else what you're capable of doing and what you would feel to be right.

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