OMG this could work? NVR
Okay, just kicking around ideas thinking of things.
Dropping Mikey off at daycare hasn't gotten any easier, and I have been doing it for 7 months now. Every day, day after day, week after week, month after month it is the same thing, he look MISERABLE when I drop him off, I am miserable, when I pick him up I am so happy to see him I could cry, and he is VERY happy to see me to, he runs to me and throws himself in my arms, if he can't get to me right away he cries. I know this is probably normal, but it tears my heart out every day and I hate it, just hate having to leave him at daycare everyday. And everyday I feel more and more like "I would do anything to be a stay-at-home mom again!"
Well, my son's father is comming to visit next month, and we are getting along better now. He is even staying at my place rather then a hotel, and that is an improvement! He desperately wants to be Mikey's daddy, I desperatley want to be a Stay at home mom.
Well, something happened, I got a HUGE tax return. Now, the idea of moving in with him in Indiana (1000 miles away) and Mikey and I living in one of his other bedrooms has come up, but was rejected because I had too many bills.
He is paying me $100 a week in child support right now but that isn't enough to cover the bills I would have if I quit my job and moved in with him, bills as in car loan, insurance and student loans.
Well here is what happened that is making me re-evaluate. That huge tax return I got is going to pay off some of my bills, including my car loan. That is $250/month! That brings my bills down, but still more then what he is paying in child support. So...I saw that if I use my state tax return I can pay off one of my student loans (I have 4), and then if I consolidate the other three I can reduce my payments by $100 / month, then with that one loan paid off that is $50/month less too.
Boom, now my bills are down to $300 / month from $700 / month. His child support would cover that! If we moved in with him in Indiana, and he continued to pay child support just as he is now, then it would work, financially that is.
Now this guy has been my best friend for 14 years, but with the baby everything got messed up. I was considering bringing this up to him when he visits next month.
Is that a good idea? Then I could be with Mikey, would have to drop him off at that DREADFUL daycare anymore! We could be together, and he would have his daddy. But would it work? Him and I dont' really see eye to eye anymore, but for Mikey maybe we could make some comprimises. Is that a horrible idea?
It sounds better for your son IMO... But just wondering... Do you ever see yourself getting back together with this guy? That could get complicated... Especially if you don't and you guys start dating other people or he get's serious with someone (you know how girls are she probably wouldn't be comfortable with it)... It does sound great for your son and maybe you could just get a part time job if you move there to pay for your bills, a job that would allow you to work only when daddy could watch Mikey... Geese I hope I don't have this problem when I have kids, I wouldn't want to leave them with anyone except trusted family members... People are crazy these days seriously.
Oh and BTW would he have to continue to pay child support if you live with him? I wouldn't think so?!?
Yeah, from my understanding, if he's living with you, then he doesn't pay child support.
You sound a lot like me. I worked full time the first year of Caitlin's life and was miserable. Shortly after I divorced my *#@%$ husband I quit my job. The first year was really rough, but now I have found a job that I can do at home. It doesn't pay as well as what I was doing before, but I'm not spending almost half my check on childcare. You also have to factor in meals at work, gas, work clothes, etc. into the equation before you determine the actual cost of being a working mom. Living with the baby's dad would be awkward to say the least, and I don't know if I'd recommend that per se. I can't really give advice on that without knowing both of you. No matter what you decide, realize this may not be a long-term solution. I also don't know what industry you work in, what your educational background is, etc. It may take a while to find, but is it possible to do a similar job at home, even as a consultant or contractor? You can also consider providing childcare for others as well. This is just my opinion and I mean no offense to anyone, but I really don't see the point of having a child and paying some one else to raise it.
The childsupport question AML brought up is a good one. I know he would if you were roommates, but if he is paying the rent and utilities, I don't know.
When Noah was a baby, we tried a couple of day cares and felt the same way (we both had to work at that time). We had some really horrible experiences. We ended up finding a lady in her 50s who stayed at home and he went there. She was like a Grandma to him. He loved it! It was such a difference between that and the day care. I don't know how much you are paying, but a person in that situation might take less money than the day care. I think we paid ours 135 a week 8 years ago.
He didn't go to a regular pre school until he could talk-which makes a huge difference, because then he could tell us about his day.
He was 2.5, I think.
Now that I am home with Lyle, I SOOOO think it's worth it to be home. Luckily I created a situation where I can be home and then bring both boys to work with me in the afternoon. The money is much less than before, but like lbarte said, no daycare costs and the quality time with my babe.
SQ- I feel your pain...I wish wish wish that we could be well off enough to be a stay-@-home mom, and I spent many a morning sobbing in my car after leaving my daughter home with my sister or her dad...(which felt better than it being daycare, but was still super hard.) Its gotten much easier as shes gotten older, even though there are still moments in the day when I start to feel overwhelmed with missing her. I know nothing of your daycare situation, but I can tell you that a many children who have become upset when separating from a primary caregiver are showing signs of healthy attachment, which is normal and good....(OBVIOUSLY if you suspect he is unsafe, or being neglected, or mistreated in anyway trust your mother intuition....again I have NO idea what your situation is...) but just to ease your mind if you are suffering from the kind of mother's guilt I did. Good luck with everything!
I am pretty much in the same boat. It is hard to be alone. If something were to happen to me, even if someone were to check on me, my daughter would end up with her father, which is worse than terrible
I know "religious" comments are frowned upon around here, but I will pray for you.
Worrying about every possibility tends to scare me to a standstill. I just try to do the best I can with what I have and move on. Honestly I type medical records for a living, and "well-loved" people with tons of family around tend to fell just as depressed, like they don't matter. My advice is to get busy doing the best you can with what you have and come up with a positive out of every negative thought that comes to your mind. If the problem persists or gets worse, you may want to consider getting help. You have to take care of yourself for that baby. It's a lot of responsibility, but also motivates me to keep going at times when I don't want to.
No. I am not that woman. We live in Central Illinios and live alone. My ex has more kids than he can count, but we aren't talking about the same man. You are blessed in that regard. Lol. It sounds like your child's father is a decent man. Caitlin's father is an abussive alcoholic, but I won't go into it more. (This could turn into my favority rant.)
As far as working at home, I went to MT school. I don't think I'd recommend it though, because it's really hard, aka near immpossible, to get a job without experience. My job offer was a literal miracle. I went to the wrong school which didn't help either. If you do go that route, make sure the school is acredited by the AHDI. Medical coding might be something for you to look into. What kind of background do you have? I'd start there. There are more companies that you'd think that hire at-home workers because they generally don't have to pay benefits, don't need to provide equipment, and save of overhead. It's funny. I've worked for the same company for a little over a year. I live 10 miles from my boss and in this small rural area I know we probably have crossed paths. I have never met her and have no idea what she looks like.