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Friends with an Ex?

I recently started talking  to a guy I very briefly dated in 2007. We were never serious, we talked and hung out for months before we actually dated. Just after we started dating he had an episode and had to be hospitalized. He now says he was diagnosed with  schizo-affective disorder and is on medication.
I'm just a little wary about becoming friends with someone I once had feelings for, especially since a lot of things were unresolved. I've tried talking to my friends about this, but they just warn me about his condition. When we talked, he made no indication that he's interested in dating again (he actually brought up a different ex), we just caught up. He wants to hang out soon, but I'm not so sure. Being friends with him was great and I could really use someone like him around right now, but will it be too complicated?

It depends on the situation and the people involved. Some relationships can turn into friendships and some can't. I've had it go both ways. The way I see it, you may as well try.

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It depends on the situation and the people involved. Some relationships can turn into friendships and some can't. I've had it go both ways. The way I see it, you may as well try.

this

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It seems harmless for right now, I would be a little wary, however if he's on medication for his condition it may be a non-issue now. If you're going to hang out with him, you could always try having more of a group outing instead of just the two of you. I've also had it go both ways with exes, some I've been able to be just friends with and some not so much. But there's no harm in trying!

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i say too difficult imo... a nice thought but there is always some feelings there somewhere... that's just how it is for me anyways

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RUN!!!!

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RUN!!!!

i agree... re-reading this the dude sounds like a fucking psycho... what did you decide?

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I definitely don't think he's a psycho. He's medicated, stable, holding a job, etc. He's just a person who's been through hard times and is looking for some friends. I just haven't decided if that should be me. Right now I'm trying not to think about it. He's coming to an event with me and a couple of my friends, so between them looking out for me and my own intuition, I figure I'll know how to proceed after that.

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well i hope it goes well!

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i agree... re-reading this the dude sounds like a fucking psycho... what did you decide?

i'm not sure what part of the original post makes him sound like a "fucking psycho" but it seem in pretty bad form to say something like that about someone just because they have a mental health d/o.

i think what you should consider is what your feelings are towards him and if those will be okay for a friendship. if i was in your shoes, if i still had feelings i would say so - i'm not shy about those things. if you don't have feelings, it doesn't seem like he is putting moves on you so it might be nice to be friends again now that he has sorted out his health issues. if the unresolved issues are related to his d/o, i might just let them go if you can. granted, i don't know what the issues were but having a mental illness, esp the one he has, can really change who a person is.

from another perspective, when i was hospitalized and d/o with bipolar i lost a TON of friends because i was "nuts" and whatnot. living with a mental illness is rough but having supportive friends and family members who try to understand what one is going though makes it a lot easier. having been treated and now managing my condition i'm a very different person than i was before i sought treatment. just my two cents.

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Thanks a lot. Your attitude is actually really helpful. My issues were mostly with how quickly things ended between us. Because of that I don't really know where my feelings for him go. It was literally only six months four years ago. So, like I said, I'm just going to put it out of my mind for now and figure it all out when I see him.

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Ouch.  The stigma.  Just because a person has been diagnosed with a mental disorder (such as myself), it doesn't not qualify them as "fucking psycho."  That just hurts.  That he's seeking treatment is a sign that he's coherent and together enough to know he needs help; that's more than a lot of people can say.  I say try hanging out, but definitely set boundaries.  I can't assume where he's coming from, but I know I'm close to the people who were there when I had breakdowns that sent me to the hospital.  How they reacted during and after the episodes let me know that I could trust them and be honest; friends you can be honest with are hard to come by, psychiatric illness or no.  He might feel like you're someone he can reach out to and as long as he knows you're not interested in a relationship, I see no harm.

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Define the friend/relationship for yourself. Are you the shoulder to cry on?
Be upfront and let him know you will back off if you are  out of your comfort zone.
Define what you are willing to tolerate. If he needs a friend and is seeking help he
should understand the complicated nature. You dont want to get wrapped up with
someone that is going to manipulate or make you feel uncomfortable.

I see this as more your decision to engage and for you to set personal boundaries.

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It's never worked for me, but more power to ya!

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