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i know this is way off topic... but i don't know where else to go

i just found out this morning that my husband of 2 years has been cheating on me.  ... with multiple women at that.  i left the house at noon and have been driving since then.  it's now 8pm and i finally stopped at a motel.  i'm alone, upset and scared.  how could he do this to me?   :'(

(((IBK)))  Do you have anyone you can call in your area?  Are you far from home?  Are you at all remotely close to western MD?  Take care of yourself.

Much love,
MDV

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How did you find out he was cheating?  Are you sure it wasn't a false alarm?

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That really sucks.  I'm so sorry.  Don't be embarrassed to call your parents...unless they're bad people they should want to help you out.  Do you have a coworker or relative you could call?

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(((IBK)))  So sorry!

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Hey Kristy,

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. It really sucks, I'm sure. I don't know why some men are such asses. I wish I had some magic wand to take away your pain. I will keep you in my thougts. Please keep yourself safe.

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I really think you should seek the support of your parents. Don't be embarrassed. I think that it what I would have to do.

Did you have any suspicions before, or is this all a shock?

I wish I could help!!! :'(

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(((IBK)))  I am so sorry  :'(  Call your family. I agree with permanentgrin, they will want to help.
You're in Ontario, right? Toronto?  What about a women's shelter? I would think they would have help for someone in crisis.
Please take care

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Well where ever you are, stay put!  :)  No more driving for a while. Try to get some rest tonight & talk to your parents tomorrow.

You know, he sounds like a real piece of work  >:( & right now it looks terrible but you will be better off without him.

Sending love & hugs

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What a fucking ass were here for you!

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Yeah, I hate him! Don't go back with him. Sounds like a real loser. You are so cute...I'm sure you will meet someone else when the time is right. I bet you didn't even need those pills. just a new situation!

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oh, honey, I am so sorry.  

I can give you one piece of advice, however.  He laughed at you out of defense (and b/c he's a douchebag), but I promise you he is not sitting at home watching TV.  He is getting his ducks in a row and if you are smart you will go withdraw whatever money you can get your hands on, at least enough to go pay the lawyer you will call first thing in the morning.

And do it.  This is not a salvageable, counseling will get you through it situation.  Go see a lawyer and protect anything that is yours and take anything of his that you can get your hands on.  Now is not the time to be nice and meek and demure.  Itsybitsy or not.  

Do you have records of what you just told us?  If it is on-line, go see the hotel manager and see if you can borrow a printer, get that stuff down, because you'll need it in court.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but now is the time to protect Kristy.

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I've been there girl.

I just wanted to commend you.  It seems like you know what happened- isolation and everything, and you're willing to move forward.  I've dealt with self worth issues a lot, and I'm only just realizing that I don't deserve to be treated like shit.  Neither do you. 

I hope everything works out.  You CAN get through this.

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You need to find a secure place to stay and work for now

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*cries*  he never gave me access to his account.  all i have is $300 in my own lil saving account.  not much, had to sneak it here and there.  all the work i did, all the hours i put in, all went to him, he got all the money for it.  i had to ask him if i could have some.  wish so much now that i had a card.  but i don't.  god i'm such a sucker. 

i have copies of most of the stuff already, kept it hidden in my email. 

I don't know what Canadian laws are, but in most states in the US you're entitled to half of everything - especially in an adultery situation.  Do they have free legal counsel hotlines in Canada?  I've been using one for awhile (going through a divorce myself) and the people are great.  

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do NOT blame yourself. This is NOT oyur fault. In any way.

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I just found this link on the Ontario government website:
http://www.gov.on.ca/ont/portal/!ut/p/.cmd/cs/.ce/7_0_A/.s/7_0_252/_s.7_0_A/7_0_252/_l/en?docid=012232

It gives info on how to find a lawyer for a divorce if you don't have any money.  There appears to be a lot of really good info on this site; I only skimmed through it.

You need to go see someone as soon as possible, whether your parents are there for you or not.  Is there anyone you can call to escort you home?  I wish you were closer.  I am really pissed off at him right now and I'd love to come take you home.

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here is a link that has tons of information.  http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/

You quit your job to help his business out...I forget what it's called but by doing this, you own part of his business whether your name is on the ownership or not. Same goes for the house, if you owned.

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I don't know if there's anything I can do to help, but hang in there.

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It sounds like he's pretty controlling: isolating you from your peers/friends/family, denying you access to finances, and deflecting the blame to you before when it was "in your head." It's very difficult to get out of these situations sometimes (emotionally and/or physically), but it looks like you got the physical part down  ;)b

It must be difficult, since gradually he became more and more of your entire world. To get away from that, try reconnecting with your old friends, family, past coworkers. I think you need to establish some exclusively "you" things, parts of your life that are unrelated to him/his interests completely, to assert some emotional independence.

'course I agree with everyone about the logistics - print some of that stuff out, and get in contact with a lawyer.

See if you can find a women's shelter - actually, one of the best ways is contacting the police, and shelters are for situations pretty much exactly like yours. Not enough resources, cut off from finances, no work. Yeah, a lot of the women there have experienced physical abuse as well, but they all have the essentials in common. It may be a good transitional place just to regroup while you figure everything out.

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I'm so sorry.  I hope you feel better soon.  Just take it easy for the night.
*Hugs*

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