Again on circumcision.
Sorry to bring this back up, but I am having issues with BD about this. He wants to get it done, I do not. Surprisingly, my mom supports my decisiton 100%, which I think is totally cool!
Anyway, Chad wants to get our child circumcised, I do not. Luckily we are not married, so I don't really think he has a lot of sayso on the matter...or does he?
Worse, he wants to do a procedure that sounds way worse than circumcision. I can't remember what it was called, but it is where they take a bell shapped thing, place it on the head of his penis, bring the foreskin up around it and secure the foreskin in place with rubber bands to cut off circulation so that after a few weeks the foreskin falls off.
My responce to this: "sounds worse than circumcision!"
Ugh, he is so stupid. It seems lilke he is forgetting that this is a living breathing human being with feelings. A little helpless creature that feels pain, IT IS HIS SON!!! In my mind he mine as well take a whip to the little guy! How can he be so insensitive and even suggest such a horrible thing to be done to any helpless baby, not to mention his own son. I was FURIOUS. Still am.
Ask him if he would mind if you wrap a rubber band around his penis ,nice and tight, for a while just to see if it hurts. If he is fine with that then you will think about it...yeah right? What the hell is wrong with that guy? Hasn't he ever had a string or thread or something around his finger..it hurts like hell. I have never heard of such a thing.
When your son is born, please start calling it a penis. I still cringe when I hear anyone calling it a pee pee, Willie or Birdie. Children should be taught the proper name for body parts. We have eyes, a nose, a mouth, breasts and a penis or vagina. Not eyes, nose, pee pee. Cats and dogs don't have pee pees either. Considering I had a dog named Willie.... :) IMHO.
My sister's most embarrassing situation was when her daughter was very young in a busy grocery store looked down my sisters shirt and said bweasts bweasts. She couldn't pronounce breasts at the time. Everyone in the check out line had a good chuckle.
Sorry Chad is being such a jerk! I think as you are not married and are not living near each other, it should be your choice what is done to your son.
I guess my experience is that not circumcising is not such a big deal. Its such a small little thing and so unnoticeable. Noah has seen it and never even commented (and usually the kid never stops questioning or talking!). We haven't had to explain anything. I don't know why I was so worried-its just so totally not a big deal and does not look that different than circed ones. It was hard enough watching them draw blood for the PKU test from his heel. I can't imagine what this would have been like on such a tiny little guy.
I am so glad we didnt' do it, but now I wish we didn't do our first son, and i wish my dh still had his! The only person who gave us some grief was my MIL and I told DH to tell her he wished he still had his (but he didnt do it!)
Keep chad off of the birth cert...for this and many other reasons. just put father unknown.
I guess maybe you can explain this to him? that its really not noticable or a big deal?
When your son is born, please start calling it a penis. I still cringe when I hear anyone calling it a pee pee, Willie or Birdie. Children should be taught the proper name for body parts. We have eyes, a nose, a mouth, breasts and a penis or vagina. Not eyes, nose, pee pee. Cats and dogs don't have pee pees either. Considering I had a dog named Willie.... :) IMHO.
My sister's most embarrassing situation was when her daughter was very young in a busy grocery store looked down my sisters shirt and said bweasts bweasts. She couldn't pronounce breasts at the time. Everyone in the check out line had a good chuckle.
Sorry Chad is being such a jerk! I think as you are not married and are not living near each other, it should be your choice what is done to your son.
Hee hee, I modified the quote, and changed it to "penis", are you happy now?
I am just goofy, I don't mind the word penis, I just think pee-pee is cuter.
Oh, and L2A, thanks for your advice. I am beginning to wonder if I should keep him off the birth certificate, but I keep hoping that maybe once the child is born, his attitude will change.
He is getting his ideas from his cousin who is a doctor. I am not a doctor, and Chad thinks I am stupid (this is obvious by the way he talks to me, I hear a demeaning tone in his voice that used to not be there). But I don't necessarily want to keep the baby from his father. The whole situation is kind of confusing.
Well, I think that he does have a say in it if it is his child, but you two should talk it out and come to a mutual agreement.
I don't agree with circumcision, myself. I think it's unnatural and unnecessary... and destroys nerve endings! Just not right.
I would ask your OB or your future pediatrician about it. Ask what your rights are in NOT having a piece of your child's penis hacked off, and what the father's rights are to the opposite.
I consider myself fortunate that my bf has agreed to all my future parenting edicts thus far (vegetarian children, no circ, no daycare, cosleeper, cloth diapering, extended breastfeeding). Some took more convincing than others, but I'm glad to know that we're on the same side on things before we actually have kids. (The vegetarian thing was a real dealbreaker for me and I made that known when we started getting serious... though really so is cutting off a piece of a healthy child's body...)
Just curious, what is extended breast feeding?
Children really do not need anything other than breast milk for at least the first year of the life. Some cultures do it til children are 5 years old.
I think if you and your b/f sit and discuss it together, you will come to an understanding! Though differing opinions can definitely come out when it comes to how you should raise your child!
I would ask your OB or your future pediatrician about it. Ask what your rights are in NOT having a piece of your child's penis hacked off, and what the father's rights are to the opposite.
i think that this is a great idea. I know that midwives often times do a lot of emotional and physical prep for having a baby. this is certainly something that would fall under emotional prep: how are decisions made when the mother and father disagree. not sure if you go to a midwife, but i bet other related doctors do things like this as well! i'm curious to find out if the mother can say 'father unknown' if he is actually known. im just curious to see how that is worked out legally, and what the fathers take on it would be. relief? anger? who knows. hopefully relief. : )
I can't remember what it was called, but it is where they take a bell shapped thing, place it on the head of his penis, bring the foreskin up around it and secure the foreskin in place with rubber bands to cut off circulation so that after a few weeks the foreskin falls off.
I think that's pretty much how they do circumcision, except with a knife instead of a rubber band so it's over quickly. How does the kid pee during the few weeks that the rubber band is on there?
I think if you put "father unknown" on the birth cert. he won't have any say in it (see if you can come to an agreement with him first, but if that doesn't work you can keep him off the birth cert.). He can still be in his son's life if he's not listed on the certificate, but he won't be able to make medical decisions for him. At least I think that's how it works. And could you add him to the birth cert. later if needed?
Try to gather some medical facts so you have a solid argument against circumcision when you talk to him next.
Just curious, what is extended breast feeding?
Breastfeeding into toddlerhood. I personally was breastfed until I was 2 1/2 and self-weaned, and I would probably go about it the same way with my own children. This is as opposed to saying "Well I'll breastfeed for the first month/6 months/year then that's it!"
gotcha...I didn't realize that was considered extended. I would consider that normal.
I once was at a child's birthday party and the mother of one of the guests breastfed her 7? year old child throughout the party whenever he wanted it. It was odd...the mother was sitting reverse in a kitchen chair with her breast over the back of the chair...the child would stick his head under her shirt nurse (sort of like a standing baby animal nursing) then resume playing.
gotcha...I didn't realize that was considered extended. I would consider that normal.
I once was at a child's birthday party and the mother of one of the guests breastfed her 7? year old child throughout the party whenever he wanted it. It was odd...the mother was sitting reverse in a kitchen chair with her breast over the back of the chair...the child would stick his head under her shirt nurse (sort of like a standing baby animal nursing) then resume playing.
:o :o
gotcha...I didn't realize that was considered extended. I would consider that normal.
I once was at a child's birthday party and the mother of one of the guests breastfed her 7? year old child throughout the party whenever he wanted it. It was odd...the mother was sitting reverse in a kitchen chair with her breast over the back of the chair...the child would stick his head under her shirt nurse (sort of like a standing baby animal nursing) then resume playing.
Yea... well.. 7 is a bit much even for me :P Especially in public (and I have no problem with babies breastfeeding in public, but a 7 y/o has food options and doesn't need to nurse on demand). MOST babies will wean before they start preschool on their own. Too much other stuff to do.
Less than half of all babies in the US are still breastfed at 6 months of age -- and only about 20% at a year old, so unfortunately, breastfeeding into toddlerhood is not at all normal in the US.
http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/data/report_card2.htm
I loved breastfeeding my guys but seeing that woman and son was certainly odd. I would think the child would have been getting crap from his friends at that point. I don't remember anyone saying anything at the party, lot of shocked looks though, all of the other kids there were toddler/preschool age so they wouldn't have said anything. Maybe she still nurses him...although he would probably be in his mid twenties now :D
gotcha...I didn't realize that was considered extended. I would consider that normal.
I once was at a child's birthday party and the mother of one of the guests breastfed her 7? year old child throughout the party whenever he wanted it. It was odd...the mother was sitting reverse in a kitchen chair with her breast over the back of the chair...the child would stick his head under her shirt nurse (sort of like a standing baby animal nursing) then resume playing.
I'm sorry but that is creepy.
I think it's totally messed up that people are suggesting or even thinking about leaving the father off the birth certificate. Do you want your way so much that you are willing to pull something like that? First of all, it's his kid, too; and it sounds like he is prepared to be there (even just for support, i think i gathered he lives in a different city) and take part in his life. Second, what if something awful happens to you? I'm not sure exactly how the system works in those instances, but wouldn't that mean there is a chance that he wouldn't get custody?
I don't really have an opinion on the circumcision-- there are health benefits to it, but it seems like teaching proper hygiene and sex education would be at least almost as good. But seriously, leaving dad off the birth certificate? Saying stuff like "We're not married, so he doesn't really have any say in it."? That seems totally screwed up and spiteful.
And I honestly don't really know your situation or anything, but those kind of things kinda scare me. Women definitely have a tougher job the first couple years after conception, but it's a mutual thing after that. And men should have just as much say in whatever comes up. A lot of people don't have fathers, don't push your son's away.
I kind of agree with Flik that it is a little odd that you would consider leaving him off the birth certificate. As someone who personally has never met their own father, I can say that I definitely hold some kind of resentment for her always keeping me apart from him. I do think he is still on my birth certificate, though...someone from the state last year told me that he still had birth rights to me.
I don't have much of an opinion of circumcision either..like Flik! said-
there are health benefits to it, but it seems like teaching proper hygiene and sex education would be at least as good.
I think if I ever have a baby boy (I hope), I'd leave the decision to the dad. I'm really sorry if this sounds sexist, but I just think they'd personally know better what that would feel like better than I would..
I kind of agree with Flik that it is a little odd that you would consider leaving him off the birth certificate. As someone who personally has never met their own father, I can say that I definitely hold some kind of resentment for her always keeping me apart from him. I do think he is still on my birth certificate, though...someone from the state last year told me that he still had birth rights to me.
I don't have much of an opinion of circumcision either..like Flik! said-
there are health benefits to it, but it seems like teaching proper hygiene and sex education would be at least as good.
I think if I ever have a baby boy (I hope), I'd leave the decision to the dad. I'm really sorry if this sounds sexist, but I just think they'd personally know better what that would feel like better than I would..
How would a circumcized man know what it feels like to be uncircumcized to compare the two? Removal of a healthy piece of tissue just doesn't sit right with me. TWO close family friends have had sons who have been circumcized and had to have subsequent surgeries to correct the problems that occured from circumcision. One had to continue to have corrective surgeries into his pre-teen years. The other is only 2 now, but had to have his entire penis cut open to (hopefully) correct it, though they won't know for years whether there has been any permanent damage to functioning. I've also had multiple significant others with scarring issues and "skin bridges" leftover from "imperfect" circumcisions. (Yet I've never met a man who was unhappy with his foreskin!) I haven't read anything that convinced me there were significant health benefits that outweigh the risks of the surgery.
Right, well, I am not a good debater. So I will just say that I haven't put much though into the topic to base my opinions on. I am a teenager no where near ready to have kids. I mainly just wanted to comment on the keeping the father off the birth certificate thing...I'm sorry if I offended you.
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