How to let him down gently... uncomfortable social situation.
So I met this nice guy at my college. He was homeschooled like me, a huge reader, tons of interests in common, and just all-around cool. However, I'm not interested in a relationship. I made this clear right off the bat and he agreed, saying he was also not interested.
But things are NEVER THAT SIMPLE ARE THEY. >:(
So we hung out outside of class on Saturday, and it was great! Went to a used bookstore, grabbed a couple veggie burgers. Just some nice, stress-free socializing. He seemed like perhaps he didn't have very many friends, but I didn't mind this. Anyway, so by the end of this, I've been roped into hanging out tomorrow after class... and he wants me to call him on the phone. >> Maybe I'm just ridiculously introverted but that is way too soon for more hanging out!
And he asked me if my opinion on relationships had changed... since Saturday.
Basically I feel pressured and horrible! I've not felt so socially drained in years. I don't want to hang out with anyone. >.> I feel bad for him, he seems like a sweet person but I REALLY don't want to be obligated to hang out once a week because I'm his only friend (and apparently possible crush)...
Oh God. I'd just block his number / etc. but to be honest I lent him some books that are important to me... haha. xDDD I definitely don't even want to go tomorrow...
What would you do? Any other similar experiences? ???
just be very very clear that you do not want a relationship (really shouldn't be a surprise to him) and deny hang out times that aren't good for you. there is no reason you should feel socially drained from a relationship, if you do, it's better to not have it at all than to drain you.
agh i totally feel you!! usually i just deny them so much that they just stop talking to me. and if they do get me to hang out it usually ends up being really fun, but not when they're trying to force you to hang out longer or whatever. i hope he stops weirding you out!
Here's the thing with guys like this, you can't let them down gently. They can't handle it.
Easiest way to get him to stop talking to you is to say that you're seeing someone else. I don't know if you've already told him that you are single... Maybe say that you're just into someone else. That's the only thing that ever works for me with guys like that.
The stress is not worth it. And pretty soon he'll start saying that you are leading him on if you continue to hang out with him.
You could always go the good route and be truthful with him. Tell him that he's smothering you and that when you said you didn't want a relationship you meant it. If he doesn't take that as an answer then I would just tell him you can no longer see him/be friends with him. Guys like that bother me because they can't seem to take no for an answer. Telling him you have someone in your life will only make him suspicious and think that you're a liar. Just be honest. It's the best thing you can do.
I agree with the honesty part. Although he may still be upset about it, theres nothing worse than begin upset AND feeling like you are being lied to. Also being honest helps you stay true to yourself, which I find to be very important.
Yeah. Guys don't do hints. Particularly guys like this. You just have to spell it out in words of one syllable, probably two or three times. And don't. back. down.
He may be one of the people who learned from mummy and daddy that no doesn't mean no, it means "keep pushing till you get what you want." Here in Spain they abound.
Don't let yourself be pressured, because every time you give an inch it will reinforce his clinginess.
And get your books back ASAP, or buy new ones (I know, that sucks, but sometimes it's easier all around.)
Be honest. Polite but honest. It's more compassionate to keep things clear from the start than to let him manipulate you.
You say you don't think he has a lot of friends...this could be why.
Guys don't understand hints. They almost see it as a challenge most of the time. Stop being a pushover. Be blunt or this guy will continue talking to you.
Agreed, w/ the honest-blunt-stick-to-your-guns approach-- it may be that he's this bad at social stuff because he doesn't know any better, if he's just not had many opportunities to practice. He's gotta learn sometime, though, and you're (unfortunately!) perfectly placed to provide some instruction! :P
"'Look, I enjoyed hanging out at first, but now you're making me feel smothered. I like time to myself. I like not feeling obligated to anyone to do things with them, which is why I don't want a relationship. I will call you if I feel like having coffee or something, but until then I need for you to back off a bit. If you call me again before I call you, I will interpret that as complete disregard for what I've told you I want from our friendship, and that will be the end of it. You're a nice guy, but this is not working for me."
... or words to that effect. And then, don't be talked into anything... block, hang up, etc. It will be awkward, and that's just part of it; but then it will pass, and you won't have to deal with it as part of your world anymore. Good luck!