I am one day Smoke Free......
And the rest of my life sucks.
Cali does not appear to be getting better. I returned from our camping trip July 13th so that she could get better. I spend hours with her. I am so distraught it is not even funny. After losing Isabela and now Cali being so ill, I will never get another dog. Will not allow another dog to set foot in my home. I can no longer deal with the pain of loving a dog so much. I can not allow myself to hurt so much.
My best friend was on life support. Looked like she would get off it although live a life of extreme pain like the last 15 years of her life. She had a set back and we are all praying again. Sadly, I am not sure what I am praying for. She will never be pain free. If she could be healed 100%, I would be praying for that. But what she will live with if she pulls through this is is unbelievable pain until she passes away.
Today, I lost my in box. All emails in my in box. Photos, addresses etc. Lost my recipe file. Lost my Isabela file so all of her pictures. Isabela was part of my soul.
Lost damn near everything.
Yes, so I will try to be smoke free tomorrow which will be day 2. I don't want to use the patch. I want to just quit because I know I have to.
I am using the homeopathic things. Not sure they are helping as I smoked most of the week while using them.
Last night, before midnight when I had my last cigarette, I told the cigarette why I was quitting.
OK.... sucky
For myself
For my beautiful and wonderful critters
For my critters so I could look after them forever
For J. my BF. (I so love him although we need to work a couple of things out)
For my family (my mom who has no idea who I am but I will always love her)
For my friends (special kudos to Shari, Beth, Tracy, Nancy, Liz and Robert)
For my friend that is dying....Janet and my Uncle Bob with Brain Cancer (Janet is the one that is most motivating me now). She has been so ill and has been a saint. I am not a saint and have been quite healthy. So, to my best friend of 45 years.....I am going to quit smoking, Mainly because her friendship and love got us through some pretty bad times...some pretty good times and some pretty pee you pants funny times.... Isn't that what best friends are for.
To my vegweb friends (all of you)
And again, for myself!
Di, you could pray for a perfect healing for your friend. Sometimes a perfect healing is not "getting well."
Sounds like you're really going through a rough patch right now. Hope a new day brings new hope, new successes, and good things for you.
Di,
YOU can handle this challenge. Each day counts....each day without a cigarette is a day that you move further away from being controlled by addiction. I'm learning (day 12 here) that smoking didn't actually relieve me of any tension or fury. It didn't make me a nicer or more productive person, which after 16 years of smoking, I gave it credit for.
I also learned something else this weekend...one that is a little scary. I saw a friend who quit Jan. 1st smoking at a party. He said he made it 7 months. I know now that I can never let my guard down...this is something that we'll always have to be vigilant with.
Good luck and peace to you in this time.
One more thing, I read this around day 5 in a quit-smoking board and I repeat it often in my little head: After the first few days you can make it as easy as you want it to be. And it's true. You can embrace the "urge" and get jittery and mean or you can let it go, change the subject, move on, what ever. It's helped me.
Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts...
OH Di! I'm sorry life is so chaotic for you right now. You have to be vigilant. Quit smoking now! ask yourself, "If not now, then when? Why NOT now?" You will never come up with any reasons that can justify your continued smoking...only benefits that you will gain from quitting. Remember one day at a time!
Each morning, I think about how many days I have gone without a cigarette (32!!!!), and when I do, I also think about you, Di, and also Nutdragon. I send good vibes to both of you!
((((((((DI))))))))))
We love you sweetie--we're here for you no matter what! :-* :-* :-* :-*
YAY! One day is good.
I'm sorry Cali isn't doing well right now. I know she will pull thru this .
When I wake up in the morning, it will be the beginning of Day 3. Cold Turkey as I did not use the homeopathic supplements today (forgot them at home). D*mn it, I have to quit. No matter what crap is going on in my life right now.
Thanks to each and every one of you!
Hugs
Di
Great job! :D You are just about over the hump.
I am still distraught over losing my emails and my folders. Yabbitgirl...your picture is gone as is your address and phone. Please send again.
I was really psyched about starting to learn how to cook and had compiled many recipes off the board. Copied and pasted the pictures too. All gone.
Beautiful pictures of my Isabela. Gone.
Pictures of friends and their kids. Gone. None the less, I am not going to let negative things make me smoke ever again.
It is now past midnight so I am officially 2 days smoke free.
As for my BF, I mentioned we had things to deal with. He loves cleanliness and organization. You are reading a post from a very cluttered messy person. I didn't use to be that way until my mom got Alzheimer's and I stopped caring. I do care now but have a lot of work to get back to how I want to be. I will always be messy. That is who I am. The issue now is all of Cali's blood. I can clean it up every day and then the next day, it is all over everything again from floor to ceiling. I just can't keep up. As my BF doesn't live with me, it is not his responsibility to clean it up but I know it grosses him out and he bites his tongue. Therefore...I am stressed.
Anyway, today is the beginning of day three smoke free. One of the reasons I know I have been exhausted is the smoking as I have had bronchitis for a few months and I know I developed a tobacco allergy a few years ago, so while I smoked this last nine months, I probably still had it.
Keep it up Lotus42 and Nutdragon!!!!!!! Together we can do it.
Hugs
Di
This is the right attitude!!! Today is day 3. Tomorrow will be day 4 and it will be easier!
:)
Hang in there, Di. You're going through a rough spell in your life right now and quitting smoking on top of all of it is a real challenge. You can do it. We're all pulling for you. ((Hugs))
((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) to you Di.
we are all pulling for you!! you can do it!
Oh! Di and Nutdragon! I forgot to tell you!
Yesterday, I had the morning from hell...all before 6 am! Anyway, I thought to myself as I was walking out the door, "damn, a cigarette would be good right now," and for a brief moment, I thought that it might be ok to buy a pack on my way to work and Just Smoke One!!! then give the rest to my friend (and I'm sure you know how that always goes... ::)).
Anyway, then thought, I can't smoke a cigarette. I can't smell like smoke at school, I can't throw away 32 days (33 now :)), and I can't do this because then I'll have to tell Di and Nutdragon that I caved!!!!
See I'm thinking of you both! Good vibes to you!
Oh! Di and Nutdragon! I forgot to tell you!
Yesterday, I had the morning from hell...all before 6 am! Anyway, I thought to myself as I was walking out the door, "d**n, a cigarette would be good right now," and for a brief moment, I thought that it might be ok to buy a pack on my way to work and Just Smoke One!!! then give the rest to my friend (and I'm sure you know how that always goes... ::)).
Anyway, then thought, I can't smoke a cigarette. I can't smell like smoke at school, I can't throw away 32 days (33 now :)), and I can't do this because then I'll have to tell Di and Nutdragon that I caved!!!!
See I'm thinking of you both! Good vibes to you!
You are amazing! I smoked tonight! I am sitting here crying because Cali is so not well. I don't know what to do about her. I talked to my best friend and at least got to tell her I love her.
Not a good day but once again, when I get up in the morning it will be a new day and I will try once again.
I am so sorry to let all of you down. For some reason, I no longer feel like a strong person. I sort of feel broken down.
Oh! Di and Nutdragon! I forgot to tell you!
Yesterday, I had the morning from hell...all before 6 am! Anyway, I thought to myself as I was walking out the door, "d**n, a cigarette would be good right now," and for a brief moment, I thought that it might be ok to buy a pack on my way to work and Just Smoke One!!! then give the rest to my friend (and I'm sure you know how that always goes... ::)).
Anyway, then thought, I can't smoke a cigarette. I can't smell like smoke at school, I can't throw away 32 days (33 now :)), and I can't do this because then I'll have to tell Di and Nutdragon that I caved!!!!
See I'm thinking of you both! Good vibes to you!
Congrats on your resolve, Lotus 42. Good Job. I had a weak moment yesterday; I was at a "girl party" (one of those unique things where a bunch of girls and their children gather to be sold on some type of bakeware, candles, or whatever and there's never enough wine and there's always too much noise and nothing ever really happens, but you get a headache anyway and wonder why you came). Besides I am not the most "child tolerant" of women. I considered buying a pack, I even pulled into the parking lot of the store, but I moved on. I was going to smoke two or three and give the pack away. Then I bummed one off of somebody at the party. Then I realized that I, like a moron, had gone to this function and forgotten my patch. Well no wonder I was no fun. So I smoked that one...I haven't told Will yet...he went out with the Boys Friday and didn't smoke at all.
If it weren't for all those lousy kids.... :) :)
I am so sorry to let all of you down. For some reason, I no longer feel like a strong person. I sort of feel broken down.
Oh stop that! We're the least of your worries. And we'll be here next time you say "I quit" with an "atta girl" because you need it, you deserve the support and we like you and are pulling for you.
You are a strong person, but cigarettes area a strong drug, too. Don't underestimate the power of the drug.
Just be aware of the smoking, perhaps eliminate one or two "triggers," and focus on relieving some external stress right now. And try again next week and the week after that....
love and hugs,
liz
I quit back in Feb. I can't tell you how many times I've desired a ciggie since then...you need to push the thought out of your head when it comes into it, and move on...if you can't see if you can delay it somehow...do other things to distract yourself.
Di, it might not be the right time for you to quit right now...
Di, it might not be the right time for you to quit right now...
That's an excellent point, Majicka. I've "tried" to quit quite a few times in the last 2 years, but never succeeded. I won't say this time was easy, but I definitely haven't had the hard time I had before. I have actually been telling people, "it was just time. I was ready to quit."
You will get there Di!!! It may not be right now, but you will! I'm gonna kind of go out on a limb here and compare it to veg*nism. Even if you don't go completely veg*n or if you cave to a craving, your intention is what counts! The times you DO eat veg*n are worth the benefits...screw all the times you "eff" up. So, if you keep on saying you will quit, and go smoke free for just a few days, then slip up; just re-center, get it together and try again. Any day you go smoke free is better than a day you smoke! Don't beat yourself up! (you look funny hitting yourself in the face... :D)
(((Di)))))
I agree that now might not be the best time to quit. Life needs to be a little more settled down and peaceful. Good luck to you.
Thanks guys!!!!!!!!!